


The Static That Speaks My Name

by Ulreksivaas



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Awkwardness, Canon-Typical Violence, Depression, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, F/M, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Graphic Depictions of Illness, Hand Jobs, Kissing, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Mind Control, Modern Girl in Thedas, Mutant Powers, Not Canon Compliant, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pregnancy, Science Experiments, Suicide Attempt, Unplanned Pregnancy, buckle ur seatbelts bc its depressing, cute shit, idk how it works and idc, slow but fast burn i guess idk
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-17
Updated: 2020-06-30
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:14:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 36,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24778957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ulreksivaas/pseuds/Ulreksivaas
Summary: "A name. A name that is not my own. Pain that is not my own. Hot pain, sharp pain, why won't it stop?" She looked at him with wide, green eyes and smiled. He did always have the best timing it seemed. "Do you want to forget?" 24 pondered for a moment and shook her head no. The memories are what made her what she is today. That was that. End of story. "End of story." They said at the same time, reading each other's minds. They stared at each other in wonder and 24 was the first one to break out into a cheeky grin. "Want to take a walk?" Cole shook his head yes at this.This is an alternate to 'run, rabbit run' because i feel cole and 24 make a better couple :)
Relationships: Cole (Dragon Age)/Original Female Character(s), Male Inquisitor/Dorian Pavus
Comments: 3
Kudos: 17





	1. A Strange Start

**Author's Note:**

> This is an alternate to 'run, rabbit run' because i feel cole and 24 make a better couple :)

Sometimes I can still feel it. The burning of the chemo into my skin they forcefully gave me. The black and mottled scars on my arms from the IV infusions were proof to show for it. Sometimes I can still feel the burning of the building, see the melting faces of the scientist that opposed me. Do I regret it? Yes and no. I do not like killing, but they abused me long enough. I was kidnapped at 15 whenever my mother sent me to a home for depressed children. I was depressed due to my abusive and neglectful home life. What was worse though? Being abused or being mutilated by scientists?

Sometimes I wonder if I should've just killed myself. It would've been easier than living in the hell I was burdened to be in. I am more depressed know than I have ever been. But where did it start? Would things have been different if I had just fought off my parents when they had taken Nina and I to the psychiatric institution?

\- 5 years ago -

They dragged me through the compound roughly and harshly, not letting me go now matter how hard I struggled. "What do you want from me?" I asked in an alarmed tone as the scientist that was man-handling me threw me into a dark and drab room. "Let me go! I want to go home.." I was pleading at this point. How did I even get here? Why was I here? "Shut the fuck up, kid.", the scientist said before grabbing me by the collar of my hospital gown, "Sometimes I don't know why we bring brats like you here. All we do is here you bitch and moan about how you want to go home. Sometimes I think it would be better if we just killed you now!" He threw me onto the ground and slammed the door shut. The room was completely barren and quite cold. I shivered and hugged my legs close to me. What did they want with an overweight 15 year old anyway?

The next day wasn't any easier. They began refusing me food and made me stay in that room all day. Suddenly, a tall, bald scientist walked in. "Ah, 0X-24! Glad to see you're up! Come on then, we have much to do." I was quite confused. Why did he call me that? I have a name! I quickly followed him, watching a security guard shut the door to my prison. The room number read '24', which I am guessing is my name now. "You must begin the testing!" However, the testing was odd. It consisted of being poked and prodded at by needles with mysterious serums in them. One, I'm pretty sure, turned my neck green. I didn't have a mirror so I couldn't be 100% certain. Another made me puke my guts out for a week straight. I couldn't eat or drink anything no matter how hard I had tried. Welcome to paradise I suppose.

\- 3 years ago -

I have been here for 2 years now. I was no longer overweight, but underweight. They barely fed me, and when they tried to, I refused. Sometimes they would tube me and force some liquified solution into my stomach. That day the head scientist came to get me, he explained everything that was going to happen to me. I was to be experimented on, along with 23 others, to become super soldiers. I thought it was quite stupid. Everyone was the same age as me, and most of them were males. I didn't get to talk to them, though. I seemed to be treated the worse due to my defiant attitude.

"Allen, when will the day be over? I'm tired." I whined as I fired the AR-15 at the cardboard cutouts. The head scientist ignored me and motioned for me to continue. They didn't like when I called them by their first name, but I thought it was funny to annoy them. "That's it, I'm done." I dropped the AR carefully and began walking towards the hallway. However, a security guard, Bruce, grabbed me by my hair and threw me onto the ground. Allen bent down and looked into my eyes. "You're done when we say you're done, bitch." Quite the normal life for a 17 year old, huh?

\- 1 year ago -

I was now 19 years old and in the worst shape I have ever been in. They had done brain surgery on me yesterday for a reason unknown. I feel.. different. I now lay on a concrete slab, awake mind you, while they were replacing my organs one by one with 'super organs' I guess. The pain was white hot, and I was beginning to get a migraine. I could feel my blood dripping onto the floor and pooling around the scientists. "The heart, please." They had hooked me up to a machine to keep my blood circulating during this process. I could feel them carefully cut my old heart out while stitching my vessels to the new one. Was this even possible? I don't think so. When they were done, they stitched me back together. I looked down and there was a deep black scar running from my trachea down to my pelvis. What the fuck did they do to me? Why was it black? I am actually fed up with this. But, before I could do anything, I passed out.

\- 6 months ago -

I was probably 70 pounds at this point. They had put me on chemotherapy because the new organs started mutating and causing cancer to wrack my body. All of my hair has fallen out at this point, and I can feel myself slipping away day by day. I really wish I could just kill myself at this point to end the pain, but something was stopping me.

I collapsed onto the ground and closed my eyes. Maybe this was it! I felt arms around me while others were pulling my IVs out. I must be dead. I felt myself being carried and then placed into a pool of warm, black water. "This is our last hope, men." I heard Allen say before closing the lid to the pool. It was black. I felt no pain, actually, I didn't feel much of anything really. I slowly let myself slip into a slumber, praying I would never wake up.

\- 5 months ago -

I felt a power surge through me like none before. I collected myself and blew the lid off the pool, startling the scientists around me. I stood up and looked around at their surprised faces. I was furious that I was not dead. The lightbulbs around me started shattering and catching on fire. I was confused. Was that me? My affect went to a curious state as I looked around. "It worked!" Allen exclaimed. What worked?

\- 3 months ago -

I quickly regained my strength and began training again. They let me use my newfound powers for training as well. However, that meant I could use them to hurt them too. It started slowly, I would break the fingers of the guards and they would have no idea who had done it. I would also break light bulbs and have the glass shatter around them. Fun stuff.

\- 1 hour ago -

I sprinted into my room and slammed the door shut, breathing heavily in preparation for the shit storm that was about to come. The guards began pounding on the door. I had enough. I stood up and knocked the door off the hinges telekinetically and crushed the guards against the opposing wall. Good, they deserve to die. I quickly ran to the lab part of the compound and stared at all the guards as well as their guns. The room began burning, the red hot flame surrounding them as well as the scientists. I had enough. I saw their melting faces screaming in terror as the flame swallowed them whole. I finally became strong enough to overcome my fears, my hesitation, and my obedience.

I grabbed the binder that contained my documents as well as some extra clothes and ran to the other rooms to began igniting them as well, intending to burn the whole compound to the ground. However, the flames were getting closer to me as well. I closed my eyes as I felt the flames continuing to consume me and teleported away from the building. However, I did not realize where I had teleported to.

\- Present -

My surroundings were peaceful enough. It looked like grasslands with hills and houses. The green light that brought me here quickly vanished and I was left alone. I felt no remorse at this moment. My kidnappers were destined to die anyway. I heard the rushing of the grass and the pounding of feet coming towards me. Standing up, my grey eyes scanned the area and saw people in strange clothing rushing towards me. Were these losers larping or something? I narrowed my eyes and stepped back a tad, raising my arms in a defensive position. My hospital gown was in tatters are this point, showing certain parts of my nearly snow white skin. The three of them put their hands up in a surrender, showing that they come in peace. This was pointless.

"Who the fuck are you guys?" I said in a sarcastic tone. "Can you tell me where I am?" They looked confused. There was an elf with a staff, a tan man with a fancy mustache, and another elf with light, fair skin who seemed to be ginger.

The ginger one was the first one to speak. "You are in the Hinterlands. We will not answer anything until you tell us who, and what, you are." Well, that's not what I expected. I wasn't so keen on telling my whole life story to these strangers. Not that they would believe me, anyway. 'Hey, I'm 24. Formerly Julia of Connecticut. I was kidnapped and made into a super awesome super soldier.' No thank you.

"Uhh.. my name is 24, and I'm a human. Happy?" That was all I was going to give them. They didn't need anymore. The one with the mustache looked my way and smiled at me, bowing his head slightly.

"What a strange name. My name is Theodore, Theo for short. These are my companions.. Solas and Dorian. We are from the Inquisition." This was all so stupid! Can they stop acting yet? I scanned them once more and nodded my head. "24. What an odd name. Pray tell, where are you from? You accent is quite.. odd." Dorian said, looking at me with suspicious eyes. 24 narrowed her eyes and sighed, not sure how to answer that. What did they want her to say? Before I could answer, Solas spoke up. "She's obviously not from around here. Look at her clothes, accent, disposition. I say we leave it be for now." I was never so thankful for a man with glued on elf ears. I looked at him and nodded my head before looking at Theo. "So... uh.. what now?" I was totally lost at this point. I had nowhere to go. They all looked at each other in mutual agreement and smiled.

"You could always come with us, the Inquisition could always use more helping hands." I nodded and smiled. Putting my hands out for Theo to shake it, not wanting to speak. Didn't want to press my luck too far now.

**THIRD PERSON**

The journey began with silence for 24 and her newfound companions. She sometimes wondered during this pointless journey, wondering about what would've happened if she had just slit her wrists and be done with it. She could imagine the site, a pool of crimson red surrounding her while her arms are cut open. But that was in the past. Now, she had to focus on the here and now. Well, speaking of the here and now..

"So, uh, Inquisition right? What exactly is that?" She asked, green eyes full of confusion and lack of interest. The three companions turned around and stared at her incredulously as if saying 'are you fucking kidding me?'.

"You don't know what the Inquisition is? Darling, now I am _extra_ suspicious." The man.. Dorian, said while giving her a strange look. The bald elf stared at her and blinked, not quite sure what to make of her yet. "Of course she doesn't know what the Inquisition is. Look at her. Her clothes, hair, build.. she can't be from around here." The bald elf said, giving a knowing smirk. The wind blew around them as she balled up her fists, ready to explode with fury. "Can't you just explain it to me without questioning my whole existence? Why would I even tell you anything? I barely know you all!" 24 said with a hoarse voice, trying to contain her explosive attitude. The three looked at each other and nodded before they began explaining what the Inquisition was... simply. "Well," Theo began, "The Inquisition is a band of soldiers and mages who are meant to figure out and fight that." He said as he pointed to the sky.

The green abyss in the horizon looked like the light that surrounded 24 whenever she came to this place. Could that have been it? Did this abyss suck her in and spit her out in some unknown land where everyone seemed to be... from a different time period. "Mages?" She said, looking at all of them with their staves. "Like witches and warlocks?" They had to contain their laughter as they started moving again, chuckling amongst each other and giving her amused looks. "Sure, that's it." She was not satisfied with that answer, but she didn't feel like prying anymore.

The journey became silent again. Her guess was that it was early morning. Well, that was if the sun had the same rotation here. Was this earth even? She didn't want to know. 24 hasn't been this confused since 0X-14 attacked her for no reason. Her best guess was that the medications turned him feral and he went crazy. They tussled for a little bit before he bit her with his sharp, shark like teeth. He then began reaching for her throat, but, before he could she sunk her claws into his own throat and ripped out his trachea. A mess of mucus and blood sprayed everywhere as he was unable to breathe, giving one last look before he passed away. That day, 24 vowed to never kill again. So much for vows, huh?

"When we arrive to home base, you will meet Cullen, Josephine, and Cassandra to get you oriented. Dorian will then show you to your cottage and Solas will give you any information you need." Theo said as he gave 24 a sideways glance. Cullen? That was not a name that was from her time it seemed. 24 did not particularly enjoy being around a band full of men who were sweaty and wearing weird garments. Men were the reason she was like this, a freak. A mutation. She was a monster.

"Alright. Say, where can I get fancy clothes like you guys? Mine are a little.. drab." She looked down at her outfit and sighed. Combat boots and a hospital gown. She looked freakish probably. Buzzed white hair, black claws, hospital gown, frail build, what else? Oh, right, the gigantic scar spanning from her trachea to her pelvis. Only part of it was visible, however. "Yes darling, your clothes are by far the most horrific things I have ever seen! Such a bad day for the fashion industry. Say, where did you even get those?" Dorian said as he smoothed down his mustache. No, she couldn't tell them. They wouldn't understand. "Uhh..," She began, unsure what to say, "I found them in a house I was staying in. An abandoned house. Full of monsters." It wasn't necessarily a lie, her compound _was_ full of monsters to say the least. Dorian nodded and kept walking. "And don't call me _darling_ , it's rude! I don't even know you!" One of the scientists used to call her darling and it got on her last nerve.

Dorian gave her a sideways glance and kept walking. "You've got some spunk in you, girl.. I like it. No, I love it!" She hated this. This.. man.. was annoying. Theo was annoying. The silent elf was annoying! She should've just ran away to Ohio or something, someplace where no one would find her. Then again, she did have a tracking chip in her. She'd have to take care of that when they get to where they were going, though.

She didn't want to think about the last five years of her life. The abuse, the trauma, the illnesses, the nightmares. 24 guessed she hasn't slept in maybe 5 days. It was a miracle she wasn't dead yet. Speaking of dead, she could die right now from the cold it seems. She hoped this place wasn't far. As if he was reading her mind, Solas began to speak. "We are almost at Haven. First we will go to where our commander is and then get you some gear so you don't freeze to death. That would be gruesome wouldn't it?" He was very pompous she gathered. Almost too pompous. 

Another hour passed and they stood in front of large gates and nodded to each other. "Welcome to our home!" Theo said as he pushed open the gates. There were people doing work everywhere. Men, women, children. Elves, humans. This is one big larping session, huh? 24 was beginning to think this wasn't a larp anymore. 

"Nice place you've got here." 24 said as they began walking to what seemed to be a church. Theo nodded as they stepped through the doors. There seemed to be priests and priestesses all around the place. Religious, it seemed. Statues and paintings littered the church in an almost beautiful fashion. They walked through another pair of doors and there were three people standing around a table with a map on it. _These must be the people Theo was talking about._

A woman with cropped hair and a scar looked at 24 with a displeased look. "Theo, who is this and why have you brought them here?" She sounded angry, it seems like. 24 stared at all three of the people and bowed her head in respect. "Uh.. my name is uh.. 24 and umm.. Theo found me in the Hintylands? Hintalands?" She couldn't remember the name honestly. She stared at 24 angrily before turning to Theo. "That only answers one of my questions. Why are you here?" Theo looked at her and rolled his eyes. "C'mon Cassy, lighten up! She's here to help." Cassandra rolled her eyes back at him and sighed in defeat. The man, Cullen, looked at 24 with bewildered eyes. "Well, we could always use a helping hand. Can you fight?" His voice was gruff and scary to 24. She could fight, it was what she was designed to do. "Yes, it's my, uh.. specialty. Hand to hand." Cullen nodded but kept his gaze on 24 for far too long to be considered comfortable. 

"Welcome, 24. My name is Josephine and we are very glad to have you here." 24 didn't believe her, but it was a good attempt. A frail arm extended itself towards Cullen for him to shake. The man hesitated, but took her hand in his and shook. "It's nice to meet you all. But if you don't mind.. I need clothes and a bath. I must look absolutely hideous right now." She wasn't wrong. Her short, buzzed white hair was caked in dirt and soot, as well as her gown and boots. Theo nodded and ushered her through the door before anyone could say anything else. 24 had a hard time trusting the opposite sex since most of the people at the compound were men.

After being oriented to her new cottage by Dorian, 24 collapsed onto the bed and sighed. "This is all so stupid!" She exclaimed tiredly. However, she didn't notice someone enter after Dorian had left. "Uh.. excuse me." Someone, a male, coughed out. "I would like to talk about training you.. if that's alright." 24 jumped up and dashed over to grasp Cullen by the throat before he could even react. Her heart seemed to stop as she looked into what seemed to be the most beautiful eyes she has ever seen.. not that she looks into too many people's eyes. "What the hell are you doing in here?" She said as she released him. Cullen looked at her in a shocked state and started stuttering. "Oh.. uh.. I.. didn't mean to intrude.. I should've knocked first. I apologize. However, this needs to be discussed before you can go out on the front lines." His face was beet red and 24 turned around and wiped a hand down her face. _God, this is so embarrassing,_ she thought. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to react like that. It's a, uhm, reflex. Hehe..." A fake laugh. Nice one. She was giving off a bad impression, but then again, so was he. She looked at him in a strange way and put her hands on her hips. "I don't appreciate the intrusion, but it's whatever."

Cullen waved a hand to accept her apology and threw her a wooden sword. "You said you're good on hand to hand combat, but how good are you with a sword?" He smirked and drew his own. 

24 raised her wooden sword and returned the smirk. "Let's do this." He was totally going to get his ass beat

24 said her specialty was hand to hand, but, that didn't mean she only trained in hand to hand. She raised her sword and before he could even swing, she swept under his legs and caused him to fall over. It was hard to stifle a laugh. "You should see you're face right now."

They spent a few more hours training before having enough of it, and Cullen said his goodbyes. 24 ripped off her cruddy hospital gown and dove straight into a cold bath, shivering as the water touched her bare skin. It wasn't fair. At least these people were nice to her so far, especially Theo. What a weird name for an elf. 24 summoned some fire in her hands to warm the water, relaxing in the steam raising from it.

After an hour in the bath, she got out and stretched, her rail thin body taught against her bones. 24 looked in the mirror and quickly looked away, not wanting to acknowledge the scars on her body. It was too much to handle right now.

The young girl sighed and through on a clean hospital gown she had packed before crawling into the bed, drifting off into a dreamless sleep.

Or so she thought.

_We're here, Julia! You're new home!_

_Aren't you so excited? I am._

_Julia looked up at the hospital in wonder before looking over to her best friend, Nina. This is where they were going to live for the next few months. Their parents were convinced they were in a secret pact to kill themselves. Maybe they were, maybe they weren't. They walked up the front desk and checked themselves in before being shown to their rooms. They were, of course, roommates. Julia looked down at her bed and sighed. She didn't want to be here._

_But you need to be here._

_They don't care about you._

_Julia slammed a palm to her face and sighed again, not sure what to do about the stupid voices in her head. She supposed with time they would go away._

_A few days had passed. Julia and Nina were playing cards in the hallway. It was peaceful. Well, until they broke in to kidnap Julia and shot Nina for trying to stop them. Julia cried out in anguish for her best friends death and fought against the guards before everything went dark for her as well._

She looked around the room after jolting awake and sighed, letting a singular tear drip down her face.

Nina will be missed.


	2. Dark World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: Self harm, suicidal ideations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These first few chapters are mostly from the OG story :)
> 
> also, cullen has a slight crush on 24 but she finds it weird  
> one-sided romantic tension comin up in the next chapter  
> also fluff comin up in the next chapter as well

24 was very confused and baffled about her powers. She guessed the brain surgery really took a toll on her abilities. The telekinesis, the telepathy, the pyrokinesis.. the list goes on. She was a freak. She began changing into the clothes she brought with her after a much needed bath. Simple black skinny jeans and a tight, black turtleneck with combat boots. The turtleneck helps hide the scars of her past, and the jeans were merely comfortable. She looked at herself in the mirror and began to sob. "I'm such a fucking freak!" Anger began coursing through her veins like white hot fury. It hurt, almost, the black blood circulating through her body as her frustration grew. "Now, why do you say that?" A charming voice came from the front door of her little cabin and it caused her to whip around to look at the perpetrator. It was Dorian. Of course. She wiped her eyes and stared him down. "You wouldn't understand! Get out of here!"

She began pacing and throwing things in a fit of fury at herself. Why was she this way, why was she so traumatized? There's so many other people who have been though worse! He merely stared at her in worry and stepped closer. "Don't take another step..." She held a threatening glare. Her anger was too much at this point and the mirror shattered spontaneously. Dorian looked over at it and took a step back from her, unsure of what she wasn't about to do. She grabbed a shard of glass and gripped it in her hand to the point where obsidian black blood was oozing out of her veins. They made her like this, those monsters. Her blood was black, her nails were black. Her hair was white and curly from the chemo. Why did this happen? Why her? The pain was too much and she held the shard to her throat. "Don't come closer. I'll fucking do it. I'LL KILL MYSELF RIGHT HERE AND NOW BECAUSE NO ONE UNDERSTANDS!" She screamed as the shard began piercing the skin of her neck, more black blood oozing onto the floor and herself, blending into her black clothes.

Dorian widened his eyes and opened his mouth, unsure of what to say. No witty remark could get him out of this one. "24.. I understand. The pain of living gets too much to bear sometimes but please.. please don't do this. Life is too much worth living. How would this effect Thea? Cullen? Me?" She faltered for a moment before slitting her neck and effectively cutting open her trachea. Dorian screamed as she collapsed to the floor and cradled her in his arms. "24, please! No!" He didn't think any healing magic would help this. A single tear ran down his cheek as more of her blood was spilling onto him. Suddenly, her eyes snapped open and she screamed, crawling away from him. She grabbed the shard of glass and began repeatedly stabbing herself in the stomach. "Why. Won't. I. Die!" Nothing was working. What did they do to her? Dorian looked at her in worry and bewilderment as he just had her laying in his arms dying not even a minute ago. "Nothing's working! NOTHING!" She collapsed and began sobbing on the floor. The pain was minuscule compared to the tightness of her throat and the cracking sensation of her heart. "I don't want to live like this anymore, Dorian. I can't do it.." She sobbed as she laid in a puddle of her own blood. Dorian had no idea what to do since what he just witnessed was unlike anything he had seen.

"24..," He began, "What and who are you?" Probably not the best question. She continued sobbing as she stood up and went to the drawer to retrieve her medical records. He had seen too much to not know the truth. She handed him the binder and sat on the floor, not bothering to clean it up. Dorian opened the binder and looked at the picture of her pre-kidnapping and tilted his head.

_Julia Martin - Age 15_

_Birthdate: 04/05/2000_

_Weight: 100 kg_

_Height: 152 cm_

There were various notes scattered throughout the binder of what happened to her and how she became like this.

_April 10th, 2015_

_We finally did it. 24 perfect specimens added to our collection to become the greatest weapon alive. Most of them will not survive the testing, but it's worth it._

_June 21st, 2017_

_Half of them are dead by now, they did not survive the fitness testing. But 24.. she is resilient._

Dorian kept reading with his eyes widened as he got to the page with her surgery.

_The surgery went well. 24 and one other are the only ones left. We successfully replaced her organs, sans brain, with our own blend of mutated organs. Her blood is now black, however, a side effect of the procedure. This is it. Our perfect specimen.. if she survives._

_Three months have passed and cancer has metastasized from her kidneys to her lungs, skin, liver, and stomach. We started her on bolus' of chemotherapy to reverse the cancer and hopefully treat it, as well as treating the rejection. She is now 31.8 kg and cannot keep anything down. Dr. Allen and Dr. Martinez are working tirelessly to get her back into shape to fight for the U.S.A during the next great war._

_We have tried everything but the cancer has unfortunately spread to her brain. Various attempts at surgical procedures have been done but to no avail. They just seemed to change her personality. Dr. Allen has suggested we put her into the pool that once healed 14. So we did._

_She is now awake and cancer free. However, she has developed extrasensory powers. We must hone these before they get out of control._

_She is now not able to pass away. Her cells regenerate too quickly for her to die physically. This is a problem, but also a great feat._

The notes ended there. 24, Julia, has stopped crying at this point and was just waiting for Dorian to say something. "Well," He began, "Quite the life you've had." She nodded and took a deep breath, carefully calculating on what she had to say. "If you tell anyone I will have to leave. Please don't do that.. I like the friends I have made here." She was thinking about threatening to kill him, but she didn't want to do that. Killing wasn't on her mind anymore. She looked into his eyes and pleaded, crystalline tears threatening to spill. "Well, _Julia,_ I won't tell anyone. But why would you hide this from us, darling? Your past has been troubled and a bit weird slash foreign, yes, but that's no reason for us, well.. at least me, to not want you here." She closed her eyes and let a single tear roll down her cheek. "Thank you." She was forever grateful for this wonderful man she could now call a friend. However, she never wanted anyone to find out.. that would wreck her imaginary chances of staying in the Inquisition. 

"Now we just have to figure out how to clean this up." She said, looking at the blood on them and all over the floor.

A few days have passed since that moment and her and Dorian had become closer than ever. Inside jokes, telling stories of the Imperium, her life in Connecticut, the more the merrier.

24 walked into the tavern, bored one day, and spotted her friends. There was Sera, Varric, Dorian, and Bull

Dorian looked at his dear friend and smiled. "How do you stay so youthful. Really, you must tell me." They all chuckled and 24 blushed. She _was_ only twenty years old and the ages of everyone around her were a mystery. She was guessing Sera was in her twenties, Varric fourties, and Dorian maybe late twenties to early thirties. Who knows, 24 was bad at guessing ages. The young girl tapped her nails on the table and tried to think of a response. "Uh.. yoga." That's all she could think of. The three companions bursted out into a fit of laughter as Sera slapped her on the back, irritating the healing scars of the puncture wounds she inflicted on herself. "Shite, 24, you're fuckin' funny." 

Despite her enjoying time with her friends she felt.. weird. There was something coming and she couldn't quite put her finger on it. A looming darkness surrounded everyone in Haven, almost like a fog. It was frightening to think about anything happening to them. She would protect them, of course, since she was trained to serve and protect. "24, my dear, what ever is the matter? Did our dear Cullen leave you high and dry?" She shook her head no and slowly got up, wandering out of the tavern. "Shite, she is _weird."_ Sera said and giggled a little bit. _"_ Yeah, almost as weird as you." Varric quipped, nudging the elf with his shoulder. 24 didn't even like Cullen. She was still somewhat scared of him.

24 stood out in the road leading towards Haven and stared up at the green abyss in the sky. She knew Theo was going to close it either today or tomorrow. However, she knew something was going to happen. Visions of red filled her mind and she shuddered. Was someone going to attack them when they were vulnerable? The young mutant walked passed Bull, Cullen and the training soldiers, missing the way Cullen's eyes gazed over her. She found a secluded spot on the road to meditate. It felt like everything was in slow motion, the terror of future emotions weighing heavily upon her. What was going to happen? Visions of red, of smoke, of fire, roaring creatures. Should she warn Theo or blame this on her possible now-treated schizophrenia? She didn't know what to do. Hands dug themselves in the snow to bring 24 back to reality and she sighed, loving the way the coldness calmed down the anxiety in her body.

Getting back up, she passed Theo. "Hey, are ya coming with us to close that monstrosity?" He said, nudging her with his shoulder. 24 shook her head yes. "Then you should go to prepare. We leave within the hour." That was all he said before walking to the chantry. She headed back to her little cottage and looked at the various clothes and armor that were given to her. Stripping out of her shirt, she heard someone enter. 24 grabbed her dagger and hid behind one of the crates. "Hey, 2-" Before the perpetrator could say anything else, she tackled them and pinned them to the ground, dagger at their throat. It was Cullen. "Is this how you always great those near and dear to you?" He smirked while she started rising back to her feet, completely forgetting she was shirtless and.. braless. Do bras even exist here? It's not like she ever had to wear one. Itty bitty tlitty committee. "Oh Maker, 24! What happened to you?" Cullen said in alarm as he spun her around, looking at the black war torn scar on her body. She looked at him, trembling in his grasp. No, no, no, no, no! This was not what was supposed to happen!

"C-Cullen.. uh.. I can explain.." She said, her lip quivering with fear, tears threatening to drip from her eyes. Visions of her worst nightmares started coming to life as she saw the fear and astonishment on his eyes. "Why.. why is it black?" He asked, hands slightly trembling. She didn't know how to answer him without spilling her secret. Her fight or flight response was initiated as she threw on a tunic and ran past him, transmuting into the forest. She climbed up a tree and sobbed, fearing the worst. What if he breaks things off?

Cullen was left confused and frustrated again. Out of the corner of his eye he saw a binder and a black leather journal sitting on his bed. Temptation was getting the better of him. An internal battle started. Should he wait and let her tell him herself or find out for himself now? This could be important information she could be hiding. The commander slowly walked over to the objects and grasped the journal. He began reading it, guessing it was a diary. Oh, well, he was too invested now. He began trembling as he read her words. Monster? Mental illness? What else was she hiding from him? He put the journal back and began to feel pity. Is that the way she really feels? She cannot be loved? Cullen wouldn't say he loves her, but he does have her very near and dear to his heart at this point. She was just so.. innocent looking. So young, so beautiful and mysterious. Why wouldn't he tell her how she really felt? Temptation was setting in again as he opened the binder. While flicking through the pages and various pictures of an emaciated body with various cuts and a large scar, he realized that was 24. What had happened to her? Why would she keep this a secret? He flicked through some more pages and his eyes widened in horror at the things they had done to her. Graphic pictures of her organ transplants filled the page. More notes about her abilities and fighting capabilities filled the binder and he sighed. What was she? A mage? He was terrified of mages for what happened when he was a templar. Notes scattered around mentioned how she was threatening to kill everyone, and even how she killed a guard who tried to take advantage of her by ripping his throat out. He can't imagine his darling little 24 doing this! It had to be lies. The commander sighed and went to get up, but found 24 standing in the doorway. "What were you reading there, Cullen?" She said menacingly as she looked at the journal and binder. Damn her for not putting them away.

"Why wouldn't you tell me any of this?" He asked, anger rising in his voice. _You have only been involved for a week, she doesn't need to tell you anything, Cullen._ His mind was getting the better of him as shame was apparent on his voice. "You're right, I don't need to tell you everything." How did she know he thought that? Maybe the telepathy part was true but everything else couldn't have been. "Why would I tell you anything? Why do you think I would trust you already? Because we trained? You're my Commander? Are you fucking kidding me.." She began to trail off, anger getting the better of her. Cullen also felt his anger rising. "It would be a nice thing to know!" He could feel the anger radiating off of her at this point. She was no longer innocent looking, but a mindless drone ready to attack at any moments notice. "Cullen. I may respect you, but you have no reason to go through my things, especially when it concerns _me like that._ Get out." She said, pointing to the door. "24.. Julia, please. Can we just talk?" Fires lit in her eyes at the mention of her real name. Only Dorian should know that. All of the lanterns simultaneously shattered at once and she stared at him, fist clenched in anger. "I. Said. Get. Out! NOW!" Cullen graced her with one last concerned look and left, slamming the door behind him.

24 wailed as she collapsed on the floor. God, she probably ruined EVERYTHING. The young girl grabbed a shard of glass from the lantern and held it up to her chest and cut a long line, black blood dripping down her thin torso. She then went to the insides of her wrists and cut a vertical line multiple times. The pain made her feel alive, made her feel something other than a broken heart. 

An hour passed and everyone in Haven was gone except for the ones who weren't soldiers or mages. She was alone in her room in a puddle of blood, collapsed into a fetal position. She hated this. 24 slowly drifted to sleep, a dreamless slumber of the abyss.

When she awoke, she heard the ramble of triumphant soldiers marching back into Haven. Cries of joy and happiness were heard all around. 24 looked around and sighed in shame. She probably just ruined any chances she had with Cullen. She'd clean up the blood and glass later. Throwing on he black turtleneck, she set out to find Dorian, Sera, Bull, and Varric. 

Everyone was cheering so she guessed that they closed the Breach. She sighed a looked around, spotting Dorian and Bull conversing. She decided to leave them alone since they seemed to be.. involved. Well, to her anyway. 24 then spotted Varric and Sera but decided to not wander, letting insecurity get the better of her. Out of the corner of her eye, she spotted Cullen gazing longingly at her. No, she couldn't talk to him right now. The visions began again. Red, fire, smoke, creatures. Why did this keep popping up? She shuddered and walked outside of Haven, smiling at the occasional nug that seemed to pass by her. Then, all of a sudden, a flaming arrow landed by her boots. She crouched to inspect it but another flew past her head. No..

24 looked up at the mountain and saw thousands of lanterns marching this way. She had to warn someone. But, then, some men started running up to her. Red men. 24 quickly got into a defensive stance but was faltered when a young man hacked and slash all of them to bits.

"My name's Cole. There's a great danger coming." He said, twitching every so often and making weird movements. "Yes, I can see that." Was all she replied before grabbing one of the swords in the dead man's hand. This could be used as a good weapon. This boy was no human, she could see right through that facade. He was a spirit, but how did he manifest so well? The energy surrounding him was innocent and pure, unlike hers. Pain and suffering was always coursing through her veins. She gave another glance at the boy who was seemingly growing antsier by the second. "Do you know who's attacking? We have to go warn everyone." Then, he said words that chilled her to the bone. "Fire, red, smoke. The templars are coming. They're angry at the Herald for stealing mages." Was he a mind reader too? 24 shook her head and grabbed his hand, pushing open the gates and vaulting him inside. She wouldn't lie, she felt a spark go up he body when she touched the strange boys hand. 24 would have to ponder on that later. "We have to go tell them. Come on, then." Suddenly, Cullen, Theo, and Cassandra came down the stairs and looked at Cole and I. Cullen looked disturbed as he looked over the mountain as well. He grabbed a few soldiers and ran to warn everyone after giving her one last glance.

Suddenly a red templar burst in, knocking her to the ground and going straight for Theo. She quickly jumped up and tackled the templar, biting his face apart in a fury and slashing at his neck. Suddenly, he dropped. "Ask questions later." Was all 24 said before going off to join the battle, leaving Cassandra, Theo, and Cole alone.

24 encountered many templars and quickly took them all down. She guessed that all that training wasn't for nothing after all, considering she was actually never sent out to war. Beating feet towards the gate, 24 ran outside and went to go find Theo. He was the one they wanted, so she had to protect him. Finding him, Dorian, Bull, and Sera all engaged in a fight, she quickly ran to their aid. A red templar ran up to her by surprise, but she had the upper hand of whipping a boulder at his head telekinetically. They all looked at her in wonder as they kept going, taking care of more templars along the way. "Get the trebuchet!" Bull cried out as he fought a templar off. Theo began loading and cranking the trebuchet as we all fought templars off. Finally, it launched into the mountain causing an avalanche, effectively burying most of their forces.

"We must get to the chantry." Was all Theo said before quickly running towards the gate.

Once they reached the chantry, Chancellor Rodrick was urging everyone to get inside. She didn't understand the feud between him and Theo, but questions could be asked later. Cullen ran up to us and said something about a dragon? There was a dragon here? How did she miss that? All that matters was getting everyone inside and getting away from that thing. Cullen said something about making these demons here us. Well, they could shout all they want but that doesn't change the fact that there are literal red men attacking Haven. We ran back outside and beat our way through the templars, effectively getting back out of the gates. However, there was one last trebuchet we could use. As they fought off the templars, Theo was aiming the trebuchet. Before he could fire it, however, the dragon came. "Everybody, move, now!" Dorian, Sera, and Bull all ran away, but I was knocked down from the wind of the dragon landing.

Theo and 24 were alone. Well, not alone if one would count the dragon and the tall demon walking towards them. Theo and 24 stood up to stare the tall red man down, which did not help. "Enough." Was all he said before reaching out his arms and quelling the dragon. 24 was terrified and full of wonder at the same time. "Pretender, you toy with forces beyond you kin. No more." Both 24 and Theo looked at each other before Theo walked forward. "Who are you, why are you doing this?" He merely stood his ground and smirked. "Mortals beg for truth they cannot have. It is beyond what you are, what I was. Know me, know what you have pretended to be. Exalt the Elder One. The will that is Corypheus. You will yield." 24 was terrified at this point, but Theo wasn't backing down."Help me make sense of this, please!" He shouted frantically. Corypheus merely stared at them.

"Your understanding is not required. If you gain it, consider yourself blessed. I am here for the anchor, the process of removing it begins now." He said has he held this glowing green orb, taking hold of Theo's marked hand telekinetically it seemed. "It is your fault, Herald. You interrupted a ritual years in planning. And instead of dying, you stole its purpose. I do not know how you survived, but what marks you, I crafted to assault the very heavens. And you use my anchor to undo my work. The gaul." 24 was terrified. Who was this man, this.. Corypheus. Theo was groaning in pain as the demon tried to take back the anchor. "And you, world jumper, will perish with your friend." And as if on cue, the big monster dragon bit down onto 24's torso and legs in a vertical fashion. The dragon dropped her onto the ground as Theo watched in horror. "No!" He yelled, trying to reach her in time. But, before he could, Corypheus grabbed him by the arm and held him up in the air. "What is this thing?" Theo yelled in anguish, crying over the loss of his friend. "It is meant to bring certainty where there is none, and I would always come for it. I once breached the Fade in the name of another to serve the Old Gods of the empire in person. I found the chaos and corruption through dead whispers. I was confused, no more. Though I have gathered the will to return under no name but my own. To champion Tevinter to correct this blighted world. Beg that I succeed, for I have seen the throne of the Gods, and it was empty." He threw Theo into the trebuchet and he groaned in pain.

Meanwhile, on the side, 24 lifted her head and crawled over to where they are silently. She looked at Theo and held a finger over her lips to be silent. "The anchor is permanent, and you have spoilt it with your stumbling. So be it. I will begin and find another way to give this world the nation and the God it requires." 24 stood up and limped over to Theo, cradling her side that was now dripping with blood. Corypheus narrowed his eyes and snarled. "You two. I will not suffer knowing I have two rivals. You must die." Theo grabbed a sword and gave a sideways glance to 24. "Your arrogance blinds you. If I'm dying, it's not today! Do it!" Too weak to do it herself, 24 used her telekinesis to release the trebuchet, creating an avalanche. "Come on!" 24 yelled, grabbing Theo's arm and jumped over the trebuchet into a little alcove in the ground.

They both were out for a few minutes before they both woke up. "Theo.. Theo!" 24 said, shaking him. He opened his eyes and groaned, staring at her with his baby blue eyes. "We have to go." And so they carried on, holding onto each other as they limped through the cave. There was a rift in front of them, "Hold on." He held out his arm and dismissed it, and 24 guessed he acquired a new ability. They kept moving on until they got through the mountain and into the snow. It was cold, so cold. White, dark, cold. As they held onto each other, both of them collapsed into the snow. "Come on Theo, we have to get up." 24 groaned as she lifted up her friend, reopening the wounds on half of her body. Dark black blood bleeding onto the snow. He nodded and they continued onward.

Another hour passed and they could see a light in the darkness. No, this wasn't Heaven. This was real. In the distance they can hear people. "24, and the Herald!" Finally, they have been saved. Theo and 24 looked at each other and smiled wearily before collapsing into the snow.

The last thing she felt was scrawny but muscular arms pick her up. "Cold. It's so cold. Warmth, safety, finally, I'm safe."

She was safe.


	3. Skyhold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The journey to Skyhold was long and tough, but Cole and 24 grow closer :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> spicy take: cole is cute
> 
> ps: Theo is a half elf mage from a circle

_A dream. A dream in the abyss. Julia could not open her eyes, afraid of what would happen if she did. Mother never did like her to sleep in, and her monster of a husband would threaten to kick her out. Julia rose from her bed and sighed, stretching her thick, muscular arms. She looked around her room, inspecting every instrument, game console, and book. The Help, The Lord of The Rings, A Game of Thrones, and so many more. An Xbox 360, a Playstation 4. Fallout: New Vegas still paused on her TV. A cracked window, the morning chirping of birds. A soft carpet beneath her feet. The young girl sighed and began walking downstairs. Everything was in slow motion, as if it was not happening. No one was home. Pictures on the wall, pictures of Julia whenever she was younger. Pigtails, dresses, stuffed animals. Gerald, a giraffe. Gilbert, an elephant. She kept walking and paused in the kitchen. Cooking ware was scattered about. Pan on the stove, pots hanging from the hooks, a pan on the counter. A living room full of plants and furniture. The brown couch, the tan recliner. Spongebob on the TV. More pictures, more recent. Soft features, blue/green eyes. Plump lips, a fake smile. A noose. The beautiful noose. A chair beneath it. Pills on the table. A knife on the floor. Blood running down her wrists. Woozy from the pills. The noose calling her name. Something else was calling her name. She didn't listen. The beautiful noose, the sound of static. Julia stepped onto the wooden chair and put the noose around her neck like a fancy piece of jewelry. The beautiful rope irritating her soft, pale skin. A wonderful end to suffering. Oh no. Mother was home. Mother walked through the door. No, this wasn't mother. Mother didn't have a kind smile on her face. Julia faltered and stared at Not-Mother. Not-Mother was kind, a soft smile on her face. A mad world. Julia closed her eyes and kicked the chair._

_Julia opened her eyes. A dark room. Damp, cold, lonely. No bed, no bathroom, no windows. Thin legs, thin arms, grey complexion. Training. Muscles sore, incision hurts. Black blood oozing onto the bandages. Obsidian, sticky, oozing. She wasn't home. She wasn't herself. A 19 year old on deaths door. Sharp nails, black nails made of steel. Not real nails. Nails implanted into her bones. Hurts. Teeth sharper. Canines poking into her cracked lips. Chemo and needles in her arms. Black, mangled scars forming on her forearms. Hurts. A life not living. She dreamt of the noose a lot, the pills, the knife. Self-harm scars littered her small body. Someone was calling her. She didn't want to wake up. Guards grabbing her by the arms and dragging her out of the room. Rough, ragged, calloused. Mean men. Bruises. Slap marks, black eyes. Scars. Life never ending. No, she couldn't die. The cells in her body had other plans._

_Down the hall, a light, a bright light. Her will to live faltering. Cullen. Cullen was calling her. Julia didn't want to open her eyes, too comforted by dreaming of familiar things. Cullen in the hallway, holding out his arms for her. She wanted to go to him. Comfort, training, betrayal, happiness. Her legs could not move. Faces began melting. Smoldering hot fire tearing through their bodies. Cullen's look of horror at what she had done. Death, dying, misery. Suffering, pain, and death. What she wanted everyone to experience._

"She's not waking up." Cole said curtly, looking at 24 with hooded eyes. "Dreaming of darkness. Comfort, familiarity. A light at the end of the tunnel." Cullen looked at him and sighed, holding her frail and cold hand tighter. "24.. Julia, please. Wake up!"

_"..Wake up!" She didn't want to wake up. Comfort in familiarity. Fire put out. Mangled bodies surrounded her as she laid on the floor. Weak, tired, sad. Allen picked her up, merely weighing nothing. Allen. Father, abuser, monster. A father figure when she never had one. Bald, tall, menacing. Her weak eyes peered into his and he smiled a fake smile. He didn't want her to die. But, she knew she couldn't die._

_Darkness. Wet. Water. Power. Power surging through her body like none before. Basically punching at the iron cover of her water prison. It opened. Emerging a powerful radiance. Shattered glass, surprised faces. Shaking hands. Only one left living of her siblings. A war machine. Testing, training, chemicals, medicine. Steroids. Opiates. Sharp nails slashing down her own arms. She didn't want to wake up._

_"Wake up.." A weak call. No, she couldn't. Comfort in familiarity. Anger, burning anger. Anger coursing through her veins. She had to kill them all. No longer a father, no longer a father figure. Allen was the first to die. He grabbed her by the throat and she ripped out his intestines. He fell to the ground. Crimson. The guards were next. Flashing lights, throats ripped out, heads bursted open by unknown forces. Anger. Fire, burning fire. Time to wake up._

She opened her eyes slowly and cautiously, hoping her surroundings were real and not a comatose dream state. A concerned look adorned Cullen's face as he was looking into the horizon, his hand still holding hers. She remembered his warm and inviting voice calling to her like a siren almost. Cullen felt her stir and whipped his head around with a shocked look. "You're.. awake." She remembered their last conversation as well, a bolt of betrayal surging through her. Maybe he just felt bad for her since she almost got ripped in half by a demon dragon. 24 groaned as she sat up, the sutures of her wounds pulling. "Don't move too quickly now, just lay and rest." He said, putting a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "I wouldn't put your hands on me, I'm probably covered in demon slobber." Well, she was literally inside the jaws of that dragon as she was nearly being torn apart by the sharp teeth it had. "Still glad to see you've got your sense of humor." He chuckled, giving her hand a squeeze. Out of the corner of 24's eye she could see Bull and Sera talking, as well as Solas and Theo. She had no idea what they were talking about, and she didn't want to know at the moment. She was still too weak and beat up to even attempt using telepathy to spy on her friends. The aiming of the trebuchet with telekinesis really did it in for young 24. 

She looked at Cullen with wide, dewey eyes. Anger was still present for what he had done before the templars had attacked, but the past can't be changed now. "I barely remember what happened.." 24 said holding a hand to her head and groaning in pain. Of course she had to have a headache. The metal plates in her brain probably got jostled around when she was slammed on the ground by the dragon. "I remember Cory-whatever threatening to kill us and then... we created an avalanche I think. Theo and I. I also almost got ripped in half by his dragon.. but after that, nothing." It must've been amnesia from when she was injured. "My side hurts so fucking bad, dude." This was probably the most she had talked in awhile. Being so open to people wasn't exactly 24's forte.

"I, uh.." Cullen trailed off, rubbing the back of his neck bashfully, "I was so w-worried about you.. and, uh, Theo." He tried to play it off as a concerned friend, but it wasn't working. 24 was still very mad at him for going through her things without permission. Who does that, anyway? "Don't act all bashful and caring, I'm still mad at you." She said, looking down at her hand and ripping it from his. Cullen's face turned beet red in shame and he bowed his head a bit. "I shouldn't have done that. Yes, it was wrong, but I don't know anything about you! What you have told me was lies. I judge you more for lying than for your past." He said, fists clenched on his knees. 24 narrowed her eyes and sat up abruptly, not caring that she tore open her healing wound. "Oh, you're judging _me_? For what, hiding my disturbing past? I'm judging _you_ for going through my things! You had no right to do that. Who cares what my name is, Julia is long forgotten. I'm 24 now. I'm barely human, I have metal in my fucking brain, my blood is black for Christ's sake! I'm a fucking freak, Cullen, can't you see that?" Blood covered her bandages as she was heaving from her outburst. Mother Giselle gave them a sideways glance but decided not to get involved at this time. Cullen looked over her bruised and bleeding form, guilt racking his body.

"Maybe it's better if we don't see each other for awhile." 24 said abruptly, tears falling out of her eyes. "You're my close friend, but things can't go the way you want" Cullen just looked at her bewildered, not thinking of anything to say. "Ju-24, please.. I am sorry. I shouldn't have went through your things and I should've let you tell me on your own time. Please, forgive me." 24 dug her nails into the palms of her hands, little half moons forming from the cuts. "I can't let you see me in the states I get into. I literally slit my own throat in front of Dorian." 24 said as she pulled down her turtleneck to show him the horizontal scar. "I then stabbed myself." She couldn't really show him the stab scars due to the puncture wounds being bandaged. "I've wanted to die since i was fourteen years old." A final confession. There, he knows stuff about her now. Big whoop. 

"I've had those thoughts. The ones where the world would be better off without me.." Cullen said, trailing off. The caretaker side of 24 wanted to cradle him in her arms and tell him it was going to be okay. "After I was at the Circle.. and blood mages.. my friends.." 24 slowly slid her hand into Cullen's and brushed a stray curl off of his forehead. Anger was quelled, for now. "I'm sorry, Cullen. You have had to go through terrible things, but better times will come." The voices speaking to her told her that, hopefully it wasn't her 'schizophrenia' because she'd hate to be wrong. 

And then everyone started singing. She wasn't good at acapella.

The journey to Skyhold was long and stuff, mountain after mountain. Thankfully she had Bull to carry her on his back. However, 24 did notice the jealous looks that Cullen was sending their way. 24 loved Bull as a friend, but could never imagine him.. romantically. The things he thought about disturbed her. Who wants to use ropes like that, anyway? "Are we there yet?" 24 whined, clutching at her side in pain from the turbulence of riding up so high. "Just like that last fifty times, no." Bull said, patting her on the calf. She was awfully tired and worn out still from her little escapade three days ago with Theo, Corypheus, and that demon dragon. She could barely walk due to the dislocation of her hip from it's jaws crunching down on it. 24 would berate herself, saying she's stronger than that. She wasn't, perhaps in the past she was. The comfort of civilization has made her grown softer, a more human heart that was overshadowing her heart made of steel. 

"Are we there, _now_?" 24 asked, whining again. She wanted this trip to be over. Poor Bull, having to put up with her incessant whining. However, she was too weak and in too much pain to be walking right now. At the moment, she was quite miffed at Cullen for not offering to carry her. It was whatever at this point, it's not like they are together romantically. A few shared kisses in the dark meant nothing, him touching himself to her meant nothing. "No." That was all Bull had to say, getting quite annoyed with her antics. 24 sighed, metaphorically looking out the window into the horizon. Mountains upon mountains. It was cold, bright, and snowy. Not her forte. 

In the distance, she could see a great fortress. Theo was leading the way for some reason as if he knew where they were going. _Skyhold._ It sounded like Solas' voice. Of course he knew everything, he was just a smart ass elf with a God complex. 

Another hour past and they finally reached the gates. Bull let 24 down and she hunched over a tiny bit, grateful that her friend carried her the whole way here. "There, _now_ we're here you little heathen." He smirked, patting her on the head. The fortress was magnificent. A large tower with tiny little towers around it (totally 24's thinking). She gazed up at it and breathed a sigh of relief. They were finally here. 24 looked over at Cullen and gave a tiny smile, one he returned. She limped forward into the courtyard and looked up at Theo, Cassandra, and Leliana on the stairs. There was some sort of speech going on but she couldn't care, her wound hurt too bad and there was ringing in her ears.

"White hot pain, pain like mother used to give, sharp teeth like the fence at home." Cole said, popping up beside her. 24 and Cole got along rather well, kind of like two peas in a pod. "What's up, Cole?" She asked, giving him a sideways glance, keeping her voice low to avoid disturbing the crowd. "The sky?" 24 giggled and patted him on the shoulder. He was a funny kid, so clueless. Cole disappeared again and she sighed, all alone again.

"Inquisition, will you follow?" Cullen yelled as everyone agreed. She was missing this entire speech but she didn't care. Something in this place was calling to her, a portal of some sort. Whispers of her old world coming forth and calling to her. No, she chose to ignore it. 24 shook her head and sighed, cradling herself cautiously. The pulling of the wounds hurt too far beyond repair, and she passed out.

-

Waking up slowly, she looked around. 24 was in a room with wood on the floor from the ceiling, a cool breeze chilling her down to the bones. Cautiously, she looked to the side and saw Dorian as well as Cullen staring at her. "Darling, you really need to stop doing that to us. You had me worried sick!" Was all the Vint said before cradling her tiny hand in his. She felt bad for worrying everyone all the time, but she did get the short end of the stick compared to Theo. Yeah, he may have been thrown around but at least he wasn't almost ripped in half. "Dorian, can you keep an eye on her? I have to make some last minute checks with the troops." Dorian nodded yes and 24 began fuming. "It's not like I needed you to watch me, anyway!" And with that, he gave her a hurt glance and walked out the door.

"My, my, what a temper you have." Dorian smirked, moving to adjust her bandages carefully. "Still giving our dear commander the cold shoulder?" 24 merely shook her head yes, not really wanting to divulge the exact reason why. Well, Dorian is one of her best friends here, so why not? "I think he likes me, but I don't like him back. He went through my things and found out about.. Julia." She whispered incase anyone was listening in. Dorian widened his eyes and nodded. "That is quite the predicament indeed. I will talk to Cullen, if you wish. No offense, but you don't seem to have the same prowess that I do." He smirked and patted her on the shoulder. 24 merely smiled and let her mind drift to Cole. His blue eyes, shaggy blonde hair. Cute young man, really. After she was healed up, she had to go find him.

Suddenly, Theo came in and gave Dorian a bashful glance. 24 could feel the tension, romantic tension, between them. Awkward. "Dorian, can I speak to her for a few minutes, alone?" Dorian nodded and patted 24 on the shoulder before exiting. 24 was shirtless except for the bandages across her chest and shoulders. "I need to rant. My life has changed so much in the last few months. I went from being a simple Circle mage to being the Inquisitor. How does that happen? Why did they choose me? I was cursed with this thing, you heard Corypheus!" His chest was heaving, but he continued. "I don't want to do this anymore, 24. I'm so tired." He slumped on the chair beside her, hand cradling his forehead. "Um.. hey. I know it seems tough but look at it this way. Tough experiences make you stronger. Change is a good thing. Being in the Circle wasn't for you, and being the Inquisitor is. It may not seem like it to you, but you've changed the lives of so many people. For Christ's sake, you saved everyone! Including me.. if it weren't for you, I'd still be lost wandering the Hinterlands. You've given me, and so many other people the will to live, the will to survive." She smiled and put her hand on his leg, rubbing comfortingly. He smiled at her sadly and nodded. "You're right, I shouldn't be complaining."

After Theo left, 24 exited her room and didn't get very far before Cole appeared. "A name. A name that is not my own. Pain that is not my own. Hot pain, sharp pain, why won't it stop?" She looked at him with wide, green eyes and smiled. He did always have the best timing it seemed. "Do you want to forget?" 24 pondered for a moment and shook her head no. The memories are what made her what she is today. That was that. End of story. "End of story." They said at the same time, reading each other's minds. They stared at each other in wonder and 24 was the first one to break out into a cheeky grin. "Want to take a walk?" Cole shook his head yes at this.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Dorian and Cullen talking. Awkward. "So, what were you doing before you came to find us?" 24 asked, looking at the young rogue with kind eyes. "Helping. Or, at least I thought I was helping. Rhys told me to stop killing mages. He was my friend." So he had friends? Cool! "You're very cool, Cole, get it?" He looked at her with a confused, blank expression. "No." At least she tried.

They talked for a few more hours. Happy stories, sad stories, not so glad stories. All of the stories. Before they knew it, it was nightfall. 24 was exhausted at this point between her injury and mental exhaustion from the journey. "I believe this is where we say goodbye."

But when she turned around, he was gone.


	4. The Fade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some stuff happens :) i hope you're enjoying

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW self harm, suicidality, Fade shit

Over the next few days, her and Cole have grown closer

In the courtyard she spotted Theo, Cole, and Solas all chatting while getting their gear ready. She knew that the forces were preparing to go to this 'Adamant Fortress' soon to fight off the wardens or something like that. 24 was growing antsy from being confined to Skyhold, and blurted out the first thing that came to mind. "Hey, uh, can I come?" She asked, nervously rubbing her hands together. Cole stared at her in wonder. He didn't want her to get hurt. _The Warden's were hurting people_. 24 was just itching to get out of this fortress at this point. However, from what Cullen was telling her, she knew this would be no easy battle. Theo looked up at her and smiled. "Yes, but we have to get you.. proper armor." He said, eyeing up her basic tunic and cotton pants. She smiled bashfully and nodded, running off to go find whatever she could.

In on of the abandoned rooms, she found a pair of tight chainmail pants, leather pants for underneath, and metal plated armor for the top. It was mostly black, but it would have to do. In all reality, she was probably going to strip it off anyway in favor of something light and moveable, much like her beloved turtleneck. The young girl sighed and tried it on. She felt.. bulky. The bottoms were loose on her and were a bit baggy. She moved back outside to go show Theo.He and Solas began laughing at her outfit. Cole remained silent. She was hoping for his approval at least. "What? I think it looks nice!" She said, her lip quivering a bit in embarrassment. Solas got up and led her by the arm to his quarters. 24 didn't know how to feel about Solas, he had a mysterious energy surrounding him. She knew from their brief talks that he liked to explore the Fade, but she didn't exactly understand. Everything in this world was hard to understand.

"Here, some robes for you. Fast, light, and breathable." He said, handing her a long tunic with billowing sleeves. It was black and had gold stitching. Quite nice, actually. "Thank you, Solas. This should do." She smiled at him and nodded her head, moving to throw on the robe over her current clothes. They didn't look half bad, actually. Her hair was starting to grow longer, a curly white mess that sat at her shoulders. Cullen said it reminded him of snow. "Adamant will be no easy feat, remember that. Remember what I've told you about controlling yourself and your abilities." 24 knew that Solas knew about her and her abilities, but she didn't know how and she didn't want to know why. Their talks mainly revolved around anger management and the ability to not crack under pressure. "I remember. Thanks!" She bolted out the door and went to the Herald's rest to find Cole.

Up in the top level, she found him. 24 smiled and approached. He remained as silent as ever. "Uh, hey, Cole." She said, wishing she would just talk to her. "Approval, hurt, want. Wishing he would just talk. Wishing to be friends. We are friends." She smiled at this and sat down on one of the crates, intent on starting a discussion with him. "Are you ready for Adamant? I'm getting a bad feeling in my gut about it," She began, "Like something bad is going to happen. Something bad always happens around her. It was like she was a bad luck charm. It would just be better if she wasn't around. It was as if everyone hated her, in her mind at least. "I don't hate you. We are friends." He said, wary of the conversation. "Hurt, a deep hurt. Solas can't help. The voices hurt, voices, static, the static speaks my name, it won't stop, a beautiful song." She was growing antsy at this point and sighed, holding a hand to her head in defeat. Maybe he wasn't the best person to talk to right now. "I made everything worse, didn't I?" He said, a twinge of guilt running over him like cold water. "No, it's just a hard truth to face sometimes. You're a good friend, Cole."

He smiled at this.

The journey to Adamant was a long one and her robe was unbearably itchy. Little did she know, Dorian and Sera had a bet going to see how fast she would take it off back at Skyhold However, since Solas and Cole were around, she wasn't so keen taking it off just yet. They could see the fortress in the horizon. A grand fortress with stormy clouds over it like a bad omen. There were two other people with them, Hawke and Stroud. She liked Hawke, she was funny. The woman was very capable in the stories that Varric had told 24. Someone to admire. 

As they got closer, 24 began to grow antsier. Would she be able to control herself in the battle? She didn't want to go too hog-wild and murder everyone in plain sight. Theo sensed her anxiety and patted her on the back with a calm smile. She admired Theo quite a bit. His resolve, will, and battle prowess. However, she thought three mages, a rogue, and her wasn't a vert good lineup for a battle. But, whatever he fancies.

They stood off to the side as Cullen commanded his forces to break down the door. It was bloody already. It reminded her of training at the compound. If she focused close enough, she could fight through the flashbacks enough to focus. After the door was broken through, 24 didn't even stick around to hear what Cullen had to say to Theo, she bolted in there and tackled someone, breaking their neck in the process. She grabbed their staff for a weapon and used it to stab the next one who came running at her. It was kind of like using the staves back at the compound, except these ones were much larger. Theo, Cole, and Solas finally caught up and looked at the blood bath around her as she smiled sheepishly. They began running to the battlements and she followed, heavy ass staff in tow.

After some wardens and demons got their fare share of beatings, they were witnessing a ritual in place. 24 winced as the wardens throat was cut and she sighed, not really sure how long she had been holding that breath. As the battle started, she ran right for a short and stocky grey warden, knocking him over with a blow to the head with her staff. 24 could care less at what the others were doing, just as long as they were alive. She abandoned her staff and robe, opting to use hand to hand to fight. She quickly jumped on the back of a warden like a spider monkey and sank her claws into his neck, blood from his artery spilling onto the battleground. Demons were next. She had barely fought demons before. Out of the corner of her eye, she spotted Cullen and his forces fighting from the ground. She wasn't the most fond of him right now, but she had to admit he was a good fighter. The mutant latched onto one of the demons and started slashing at it with her nails, clawing at it until it fell to the ground and disappeared. Adrenaline was fueling her at this point. Adrenaline for love of her friends, protection, and the thrill of battle. She smiled and picked up a sword to stab the next demon, effectively having the time of her life.

That was, until, the demon dragon showed up. She wanted to scream in fear and run.. but she couldn't. She saw the Vint and Clarel go after the dragon. She chased after them, ignoring the cries of her friends. They weren't far behind, dodging every attack the dragon dished out on them. Finally, they got to a bridge like structure and witnessed the female warden almost get bit in half. She used the last of her magic to stop the dragon, which in fact, caused it to wreck the bridge and let them fall to their doom. She could only imagine Cullen's face watching them fall to their death.

Or so they thought.

Whenever 24 opened her eyes, she was floating in the air and staring at the ground. Quite an experience actually. She then fell to the ground with a grunt. All of her companions grunted as well, staring around at the atmosphere. It was a strange atmosphere, green, mysterious, scary. "Where are we?" 24 asked, looking at Solas. If anyone knew, Solas would. He was very smart in her opinion. Too smart. "We are in the Fade. Quite remarkable actually, living beings walking through the Fade." "The.. Fade, huh? Theo, you've walked through the Fade, right? I've never thought I would I would find myself here physically. The Black City is almost close enough to touch." She asked, looking at her pale friend. His skin was almost as pale as hers. His ginger hair was the color of fire. This is when Cole started wigging out. "Cole..?"

"I c-can't be here!" He stuttered, walking away in fear. "Not like this, not like me!" 24 had a frown on her face, afraid for her spirit friend. Spirit crush? Who knows. It's complicated. "It's all right. We'll make it right." Solas said in a comforting voice. 24 approached him carefully and intertwined her hand with his. He was grateful for this, she could feel it. 

"This place is wrong. I made myself forget when I made myself real, but I know it wasn't like this," He began in a scared voice. He seemed to be calming down now. Hawke began to speak, too. "It's not how I remember the Fade, either. Perhaps it was because we were just dreaming, but now we're here physically. The stories say you walked out of the fade at Haven. Was it like this?" Theo looked at her in surprise and sighed, not knowing how to respond. "I don't remember." 

There was the breach in the distance. Theo was sure that was the way to go.

They began walking through it as spirits began popping up everywhere, as well as.. nightmare demons and desire demons. It then targeted 24. "World Jumper. Worried about convincing everyone that you're perfectly normal. You're relationships are one of loneliness and solitude. Secrets never stay still forever." She looked down at her feet and sighed. World Jumper was such a stupid title. She didn't mean to jump worlds. Cole looked at their intertwined hands and squeezed

Hawke and Stroud were talking quietly to each other before they began fighting more demons. It was quite stupid. 24 was spaced out on the demon's rant while she was fighting. Theo was finding out the truth about what happened between him and Divine Justinia. She wasn't even paying attention. It was all too much to comprehend. Apparently he wasn't chosen by Andraste, whoever that was. He didn't see actually see their God, he saw their Divine.

This place was strange. Full of demons, objects, mirrors, spirits. Solas seemed to be mystified by it. 24 and Cole were terrified. They walked hand in hand through this place, unsure of what to make of it. 24 did not remember being in the Fade when she 'jumped worlds'. She didn't even know if she stepped foot in the Fade. 24 looked around and smiled up at Cole, a smile he did not return. She understood.

Justinia warned them that the Nightmare demon was coming up, and they prepared themselves. 

Before she knew it, there was a giant, spider looking demon that was barreling towards them. It was quite terrifying looking. They had to fight its apparition. It was strong, but manageable. But, they had to make a choice. One of them had to stay behind. It came down to Hawke or Stroud. They eventually chose Stroud, he said that he had lived a long enough life. Goodbyes were said, and they escaped the Fade.

Cole and 24 toppled onto each other as they fell out of the rift, which Theo closed. 24 groaned in pain at his large stature and he rolled off of her, giving a sheepish grin. Theo began addressing the Warden's in a stern tone. 24 and Cole were not too fond of them right now. 

He chose to spare them instead of banishing them. "But they hurt people.." They said in unison. She looked up at him and gave him a smile.

They greatly disapproved.

The journey to Skyhold was silent.

Cole and 24 were tired. Too tired.

When they returned, she quickly returned to her room, Cole in tow, and she fell asleep. Cole chose to watch her.

The static was back. That glorious static. The beautiful ringing in her ears distracting her from the warm embrace of her lover. The buzzing constant, the ringing in the back of her head, the voices whispering secrets meant only for her. The voices were a comfort when she was locked in room 24 in compound 10, allowing her to escape reality and have friends to talk to. They would tell stories of their life, tell her stories of her life. Sometimes, though, they were terrifying. Right now, however, they were calm, whispering sweet tales of nothingness within her subconscious. 24 knew this was not normal, knew that this didn't happen to everyone. However, she couldn't bring herself to tell anyone. If she did, she couldn't imagine the repercussions that would follow. Would they lock her up again? Would they hurt her, banish her? She didn't want to know. Not opening her eyes, 24 flipped over and had her back facing Cole, curled up in a fetal position to comfort herself during this dilemma. She considered telling Solas or Dorian about her problems since they were her close friends.

24 could hear Cole stirring beside her, sitting on the bed, the voices telling her to run and never come back. She ignored them, of course, opting to flip over and stare at him instead. He smiled and petted her head. She held her hand against his in content. Her hand stiffened, the sudden urge to slash her claws across her face. She restrained herself, of course, not wanting to hurt herself at the moment. The voices were overpowering at this point, not letting her be at peace. She shifted again, rolling to sit up on the bed and sighed, holding her hands up to cradle her head. 24 needed to get out of here, to find a peace of mind from the absolute madness going on currently. The voices telling her to hurt herself, hurt others, kill herself, kill others. It was.. odd. It was not unfamiliar, though. She stared at a dagger across the room and had visions of slitting her neck open once again The beautiful obsidian blood spilling from her neck onto the floor, pooling around her feet. 

Bugs surrounding her body, biting into her corpse, devouring her whole. The voices telling her to rot into oblivion, turn into bones and rotten flesh. She widened her eyes and sighed, trembling slightly. The voices telling her to die, to take everyone with her. To just collapse all of Skyhold into a pile of rubble. She knows she can do it, her powers were strong enough. But she wouldn't, she couldn't.

She looked back at Cole and found him staring at her, wide eyed and disturbed. She looked down at her hands and it seemed she was, in fact, clutching the dagger by the blade, her blood leaking onto her naked legs. Cole slowly reached around her and cautiously grabbed the dagger. "I.. I don't know.." She began, looking down at her hand with wide eyes, unsure of when she reached over and grabbed the weapon. 24 swallowed a lump in her throat and felt tears stinging her eyes. "I've been.. off this morning.. but.. I don't know.. I.." A singular tear fell down her cheek and mixed in with the blood on her leg. Cole set the dagger aside and stared at her. She cuddled her legs to her chestand sighed, trembling slightly with anticipation. Was he going to yell at her? Belittle her? Shun her? The possibilities. "Burning pain, what will he think, abandonment, soft static, ringing.." 

She softly cried, shaking her head in confusion. Of course she didn't want to bother him, she didn't know that the dagger would end up in her hands let alone her flesh! "I.. blacked out. I was hearing voices, seeing visions, and the next thing I knew, I was holding the dagger." She said, wiping the tears from her face, adjusting herself to look at Cole. She must look like a sight right now, hooded, tear stricken eyes, snotty nose, wet face, blood smeared everywhere. Cole understood, though. It was all part of the post-traumatic stress. 24 didn't like to think about her time in the compound, but it was who she was. Nothing more than an experiment gone wrong. Steel claws, white hair, mottled skin and black scars. She looked half dead at this point, but she couldn't die. 

_He doesn't care, you know. He's just feels bad for you._ __

"No!" She yelled, breaking free from his grasp and jumping to her feet in a defensive stance, ready to fight whoever whispered those blasphemous things in her ears.

_Get mad. It's the truth. You should just die like they want you to._

_Kill everyone too._

"Get out of my head! Shut up!" 24 screamed, pounding her fists into the side of her head in a tizzy. Cole jumped up and grabbed her arms, hating the thought of putting his hands on her but this was hurting him to witness. "They won't stop!" She cried, fighting against Cole to harm herself further. He effectively restrained her arms at her sides. 24 stopped fighting, exhausted, and sighed, tears streaming down her face. It was early morning, daylight peaking through the windows and shining off the cobwebs in the corners. The warmth of his body was the only thing bringing her comfort. Tears began to sting at his own eyes at the pain of her dilemma overloading him.

It took a full half hour to finally calm down, for the voices to finally calm down as well. She sighed and pulled herself from Cole. 24 must look a sight right now. Tears, blood, sweat. "I'm sorry." Was all she said. Cole looked at her in confusion and smiled. "We are friends." The voices told her otherwise, but she smiled at the sentiment. "Go see Solas." When she turned back around, he was gone. Luckily, Solas's quarters were right across the courtyard and up the stairs, so it was only a minutes walk away. It was the longest minutes walk she had ever had in her life.

Wringing her hand nervously she pushed open the door and saw Solas drinking a cup of tea, doing his usual studying. "You drink tea?" She said softly, walking up to him and smiling nervously, hoping that her entrance didn't startle him. It didn't. It was almost as if he was expecting her. He looked up at her with sharp eyes and gave a courteous smile, waving a hand at a chair beside him, offering her a seat. "Actually, I detest the stuff." She decided not to ask him why he was drinking it, he was a strange one.

"What brings you here so early, my friend?" 24 rubbed her hands together nervously and sighed. _Remember your breathing techniques,_ her subconscious said. It was all in vain, though. This meeting was quickly turning into a panic attack. She wanted to just leave and throw herself off a cliff. Solas stared at her expectantly and patiently, watching her shift nervously while she was trying to find the right words to say.

"Solas, we're friends, right?" She asked. 

_He's not your friend. He hates you._

_He wants to kill you._

She looked down at her feet and sighed, trying not to believe the voices or the static ringing in her ears. Solas smiled and crossed one leg over the other, giving a chuckle full of mirth. "I would certainly hope so, unless there's something you would like to tell me." She shook her head at this fervently, not wishing to end their friendship so soon. 24 wanted to hold onto as many friendships as she could. She unclasped her hands and took a deep breath.

"Do you know anything about.. mental health?" 24 might as well have been staring into his soul at this point. If anyone had a remedy, it would be him. Solas shook his head yes, urging her to continue. "I.. have problems." Well, everyone has problems. Nice one, 24. She lifted a trembling hand to push back her hair out of her eyes. "Problems that... may not be able to be, uh, helped." Solas tilted his head at this and smiled reassuringly. "Everything can be helped, my friend. All you need to do is just tell me." 24 looked down again and sighed. She didn't even really tell Cole the full extent of her problems, so she didn't really know how to tell Solas. 

"I should give you a quick backstory, first." She was preparing herself. 24 didn't really want more people knowing about her past but she wanted the voices to stop, once and for all. "Whenever I was fifteen, I was kidnapped and sent to a compound. I was locked in room 24, hence my name. I'm not from this world, as you've gathered. I'm from a place called Earth. Anyway, I was dealt a shitty hand in life from the start. Abusive parents, mental health issues, the more the merrier." She paused for a breath. 24 calculated carefully on what to say next. Should she tell him her name? What they had done to her? 

_He wouldn't care. He's not your friend._

_No one is._

_No one loves you._

_Just die already._

She slapped a palm to her head and sighed, exhausted from the stupid voices tearing her brain apart. The young girl looked back up at Solas with tears in her eyes. "I.. I can't stand it anymore!" She yelled, balling her hands into fists. "I hear voices, telling me things, telling me to hurt myself and others. I try not to listen. Usually I end up just hurting myself. But they tell me awful things. They just told me you're not my friend, that you don't care about me. Earlier they told me to cut my throat open with a dagger." Tears began streaming down her face as Solas sat and listened, digesting the information she was telling him. "The things they did to me.. what they said to me.. will always be there, taunting me. They never stop. Haunting me day in and day out." She took a deep, trembling breath, trying to collect herself so she doesn't scare away her friend. Solas merely nodded and waited a moment before speaking.

_He's just going to lie._

_He just feels bad for you._

_He doesn't care._

"It sounds like you're suffering from severe post-traumatic stress and hallucinations." 24 already knew this, and merely shook her head. The hallucinations were usually at bay, and she didn't know why they chose to make an appearance now. Especially after her and Cullen made love, of all times. "I believe I have something that may help." He stood up and crossed his arms. "There are many remedies for mental illness here. I do not know of the treatments back where you are from, but I suspect they differ greatly. Lobotomy, exorcism, restraints, lyrium, herbs." Restraints? That triggered something in 24 and she began sweating, and she never sweats. Exorcisms, lobotomies? No thank you. She shook her head and sighed. She didn't even know what lyrium was. "However, hypnosis and herbal treatments seem to be the best options right now." Back home, they had put her on various antipsychotics and benzodiazepines to quell her breakdowns and hallucinations. They helped, but they had dire addictive properties. "I'd like to try the herbs first." Hypnosis seemed a little unnerving to her, falling into such a deep state of subconscious. 24 was worried about what she would see, what she would do if she woke up from such a state.

Solas nodded and rummaged through a crate of herbs, handing her a carefully wrapped package that had 'Downers' written on it. She had no idea what that meant, but trusted him with her life. She took the package and nodded. "Thank you, Solas." He nodded and sat down, smiling at his friend. "Of course. Eat one leaf twice a day, one in the morning and one at night. You may feel a bit drowsy but it is meant to subdue." Ah, so that is what's it's for. It's what she needs, honestly. 24 nodded and plopped a leaf in her mouth, grimacing at the bitter taste it left as she swallowed it. The effects were almost instant and she yawned, causing a small chuckle to erupt from Solas. "Go rest now, my friend. We will talk later." She nodded and left his study, returning to the battlements. 

24 stared down into the courtyard and noticed Cassandra training, Sera wandering around, Blackwall doing nothing, and the Iron Bull hitting on some poor tavern girl. She shook her head and descended the stairs to return to her room, intending to curl up in her bed to catch up on some sleep she was missing out on. 

Once 24 reached her room, she tucked herself in and closed her eyes, intent on falling into a dreamless slumber.

That obviously didn't happen.

_A cold dark room. Hands reaching up around her, grabbing her all around. She sighed, a comfort she had grown to know, but not necessarily like. The young girl let herself be carried to the training room and sat on the floor, looking up at the cold, dark eyes of the scientist before her. He nodded and handed her a spear. A spear? That was new. She was expecting the usual firearm she was used to. The metal doors opened and 14 walked in. From passing, she only knew his name. Thomas. He was a young, black man with cropped curly hair. He had blank eyes from the shared trauma they had. He stepped forward in a straight jacket, thrashing about in anger. They stabbed him with Ativan and he collapsed to the ground. What was the point of this? 24 wanted to speak up about this but was afraid that the same thing would happen to her. Sometimes they would do this, joint training. It was the only time she saw her 'siblings'. They didn't speak, only interacted when sparring._

_Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a bald elf. Solas. What was he doing here? She wanted to ask questions but it was time to train. They quickly picked up 14 and carried him out of the room. From the looks of it, she was about 17 years old at this point, before she was mutated into whatever she was now. She held up the spear and deflected the first rubber bullet the shot at her. Kid shit. She had been doing this for three years at this point, she was an expert. 24 noticed that Solas visibly cringed at the sound of the gun shooting a rubber bullet. She smirked slightly and deflected the next one._

_24 had passed her trials with flying colors. Spear deflecting rubber bullets. What bullshit. What kind of spear will deflect real bullets? It seemed time had stopped, however. The scientist and soldiers froze in time as Solas walked up to her. "So, your words weren't some childlike fantasy." He said, looking around the room at the frozen adults. 24 looked down at her adolescent body and shuddered. No scars. She looked so different. "I know it seemed like I was lying given my confession." 24 looked around and kicked one of the boots of the soldiers, half expecting them to tackle her to the ground. When they didn't, she giggled and punched them in the face. "They have tortured me, done unspeakable things. But, they made me who I am, brought me to you guys. I suppose that's the only good thing." She sighed and ran a hand over her face. No scars. "Perhaps. But that doesn't excuse the atrocities that occurred here." 24 tilted her head and shrugged her shoulders. She supposed he was right. This didn't happen to anyone. "By the way, how are you here?" She knew she was dreaming, but she didn't know why he was in her dream. This was all so real, she felt like she was back in the compound. "Where do you think you are?" 24 didn't understand the question. They were obviously in the compound. Perhaps he found away to transport them back in time just as Alexius had. Unless.. this was just a dream. "You're not real. This isn't real. This is just a dream, a nightmare." She said, starting to breathe heavier and heavier. Solas merely stood there and clasped his hands together, shaking his head 'no'. "This is a strange occurrence. You are not a mage, not from this world. But, it seems that stepping from the fade you are connected to it. You are in the fade right now, my friend. A place that you are familiar with." 24 looked around, the familiar walls. At this point she could identify the exact number of steel bolts in the walls, how many scientist were in the compounds, all the names of the soldiers, and more. 24 looked at Solas and tilted her head again._

_"So.. this still isn't real." Solas shook his head yes and chuckled. "Come talk to me whenever you... wake up."_

24 jolted awake, beads of sweat running down her slim body. What just happened? Solas invaded her dreams like that? She wiped a hand over her face and sighed, waiting for the voices to come. Except they didn't. She jumped out of bed and headed for Solas's study. It was evening at this point.

Cole was probably worried about her, if he already didn't know

She entered Solas's study and walked up to him. "So, you got a peek into my life before I ended up here. What did you think?" It was quite a straightforward question. Solas tilted his head and closed his book, bringing a hand to stroke his chin. She hoped that he didn't think different of her. "It was interesting. I was half expecting that you were hallucinating, letting your imagination get the better of you. I was wrong, however. I apologize for that. I believe it would be good for you if we do this often, allowing me to look in on your dreams, your memories."

She just wanted to return to Cole at this point. "It's okay. I agree, but I have a lot of stuff for you to digest if we continue this." He knew she was right. It was evening at this point, and she was tired despite just sleeping. "I believe we will continue this another time, perhaps. Go rest, go see Cole." He smiled and shooed her out of his study. She blushed and ran out, heading straight for Herald's Rest.

Cole was in his usual spot. "Hey Cole." She said, sitting down on her usual crate. "Who's Julia?" He asked, taking the breath right out of her lungs. She looked up at him in shock and felt tears pricking at her eyes. Did he read her stuff? How did he know? "A name that is my own, a name that is not my own, my own name, no one, no one should no, no one.. why does he know?" He said, pacing back and forth. 24 looked at him in surprise. Of course he found out from reading her mind. He already knew the answer. "Julia.. is me." She said, putting a hand to her face. Cole looked at her and bent down to her level. He took one of her hands in his and smiled up at her.

"Want to take a walk?"

She nodded at this fervently, wanting nothing more since her talk with Solas. They walked around Skyhold. It was dark now. She told him of her new therapy her and Solas were trying. He was saying nothing, just letting her talk. She knew mostly everything about him at this point with her constant questions. They stopped to look over the horizon and just stood in silence. That was, until, Cole almost made her go into shock.

"What's a crush?" He asked. She felt her veins grow cold. "Dorian told me you crushed me." 24 felt her cheeks turn a dark grey. She would have to have a stern talk with Dorian later. The young girl looked at Cole in wonder and sighed. "It means, that uh, someone likes someone else in a... romantic way." She said, looking away to contain her blush. Cole made a silent 'ah'. And let the words digest. Damn you, Dorian. She was so mad right now. Cole probably had no idea what romance was, he probably had never felt the woes of a crush. Well, this was her first crush, so neither has she. 24 didn't want to ruin their friendship with a stupid crush.

"I-I don't understand." He said, backing away from her. Of course he didn't understand. 24 felt tears stinging in her eyes. Today had been too much for her. Life had been too much for her. "It means.. I lo-like you.. in a romantic way.. more than friends. Like kissing, and stuff." She said, putting cold hands up to her warm cheeks to calm herself down. Cole stared at her blankly before disappearing, leaving 24 to cry alone.

Worst. Day. Ever.


	5. Winter Palace Shenanigans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lots of fluff, some violence, mostly fluff tho

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry if this is bad. I was in the hospital writing this and i had nothing else to do so here we go

24 was distraught. She was torn between going to either Varric, Solas, or Dorian about her dilemma. Maybe all three. Her heart was aching for Cole, she probably just ruined everything. Cole was an innocent being, of course he probably had never engaged in a romantic relationship before. Why would he? He was a spirit. The young girl sat on the edge of the battlement and sighed, unsure of what to do. It was quite the predicament indeed.

24 had almost told him that she loved him. What a foolish girl. Who could ever love her? She was a freak. A mutant. An abomination. She should’ve never been born. Cole had claimed to be her friend, but he probably just felt bad for her.

On the other hand, Cole probably didn’t have a mean bone in his body to be manipulative like that. 24 looked at the gash in her hand from the knife and closed her eyes, wishing that time could just erase itself. But, it felt nice to have the comfort of Cole’s warmth against hers. It felt like home almost. Almost.

Cole hadn’t appeared for her in days. It was as if he was going out of his way to avoid her. Surely, he could see the pain she was in, right? Why wouldn’t he offer to help her like any other time? 24 felt her heart break more and more. Cullen had tried asking what was wrong numerous times, but she gave him the usual “I’m fine, thanks.” And they would part separate ways. He seemed to be too invested in his feelings for her, if they even existed. 24 suspected it from the way he looked at her. Maybe, just maybe, it was a feeling of brotherly love. Who knows. She certainly didn’t care.

24 sighed and began trudging to her room in a fit of sadness. She had barely slept or eaten since she confessed to Cole. She was in a mental battle between getting a grip on herself and just begging him for forgiveness. She didn’t know what to do. Heavy bootsteps trudged into the bland room and were chucked to the other side before their owner collapsed on her bed, hands pressing onto her eyes to suppress the tears.

Julia never cried over boys. Julia never longed to kiss a boy or date a boy, so why did 24 have the sudden urge to? She was disgusted with herself. The mirror was mocking her at the end of the room. A reflection of Julia staring back at her. Plump, happy, long flowing brown hair. Now, she was thin, sad, and had thin shoulder length white hair. Fucking chemo.

Mirror Julia smiled happily and beckoned her over. 24 didn’t listen. She didn’t want to. Instead, she picked up an ‘downer’ herb that Solas had given her and basically shoved it into her mouth. Mirror Julia could wait.

24 collapsed onto the bed and sighed, letting sleep overtake her. Perhaps Solas would visit her again for a ‘therapy’ session.

_24\. That was her name now. No longer Julia. Julia was dead, the scientists said. Julia wasn’t dead. Julia merely involved into 24. Sitting in her bland room, 24 stared at the ground. Cloudy eyes that no longer held emotion. She looked down and saw bleeding scars. Post-surgery. IV’s in her arms. She looked up and saw Solas with a sad expression at her current condition. Thin limbs, thin arms, ribs like a ladder. The only clothing she had on was a pair of shorts and the bandages from surgery, leaving her exposed body to the coldness of the room. “Look at what they did to me.” She said, a small weak voice. This was not the adrenaline filled voice that he met before in her dreams. No, this was different. This was a flashback. A nightmare. Terrorizing faces lurked in the darkness, making taunting looks at her. She looked down again and touched a clawed hand to the bloody bandages, obsidian blood covering her hand, oozing onto the floor. “They made me into this.” This had to have been maybe a year or two after her last dream with him._

_Pulling hair. Screaming. Brown hair gone. Insides ripped apart. No pain medication, blood everywhere. Screaming in agony, punching, kicking, scratching, organs being ripped out. That’s what she remembered. The pain is what she remembered. Solas crouched down next to her and touched a comforting hand to her back. “How does it feel being back in this moment?” He asked, concern in his voice. 24 could barely move from her position, coughing up blood weakly. She would be going to the pool soon._

_Pool of mysterious liquid that rejuvenated her back to life. She looked up at him and let a singular tear roll down her cheek. “It’s.. different. I was so sure I was going to die. I was.. happy. I wanted to die.” She said, leaning into his touch. It didn’t feel good to be dying again. The comfort of having her friend here was enough. She just wished Cole was here. Cole said her emotions for her so she didn’t have to. It was nice. But, this was what she needed. “I don’t want to die anymore. In this moment, though, I wanted to. Sometimes I still want to, passively.” She pondered for a moment, thinking of all of her friends. Would they be sad if she left? Would Cole be sad if she left? She didn’t know._

_“It’s good to accept death. Death is a natural part of life… for most of us.” He said, looking at her with a quirked brow. He knew she couldn’t die from their previous conversations. He had wandered around and read her files here. Millions of cells reproducing just to keep her alive at this very second. “That being said, you have accepted it. The strength of acceptance is a great gift bestowed upon mortals.” Was she mortal? 24 looked to the side and down at her extravasated arm. Damn chemo. So much pain. One of the faces was melting in a fire in the corner of the room, crying out in agony. 24 couldn’t bring herself to react. How could she whenever she was in a dying state?_

_Solas looked at the display and back at 24, grimacing. “Conversation for another day.” She said before closing her eyes and waking up, cutting the nightmare short._

She woke up in a cold sweat and looked down at her stomach, glad at it wasn’t bleeding. She was fine, she was okay. Nothing was hurting at the moment except for her heart. 24 wouldn’t be able to sleep after that, and she didn’t really want to speak to Solas right now. Sighing, she forced herself up and out of her room to go for a walk. For some reason, she felt like she was being followed.

Probably nerves.

24 was standing on the battlements alone and looking out into the horizon, admiring the night sky overlooking the mountains. Beautiful sight, really. The sight she had in the Compound was just that of bland white walls and concrete slabs. White coats, hazmat suits, needles, the more the merrier. 24 closed her eyes and breathed in the fresh air before she heard a footstep right next to her.

Before she knew it, a knife was plunged right into her chest. She let out a guttural scream and collapsed to the ground. Black blood began oozing from the wound and onto the stone, and she felt herself fading. The knife had pierced her heart and lungs. She would be fine, of course. 24 lifted her head to look at the perpetrator and sighed. A red templar. Of course. How did he even get in here? She could see it in his eyes, the red glow of the addiction.

“What the fuck is your problem?” She hissed, ripping the knife out of her chest. The warden merely looked at her in surprise and shock before pulling out a sword. Resilient one. “I saw you kill my friend. He didn’t hurt anyone! You ripped his throat out, you monster!” She remembered this clearly. He did, in fact, charge at Cole with a sword and she defended her friend. 24 merely let rage blind her and started charging at the warden with the knife in tow, but before she could strike, he fell to the ground. Cole.

She looked at her friend in surprise. He finally showed himself to her. 24 allowed herself to collapse in relief, falling into Cole’s arms.

When she awoke, she was in her bed. Bright light was shining in from the windows of her small room. In her left hand, a clutched blanket. Must’ve been a nightmare. In her right, Cole’s hand. He finally showed himself. Tears pricked her eyes and she sighed, shifting a little. A sharp pain struck her, though, and she looked down at her bandaged chest. “The healers did the best they could.” He said, looking at the bandages with a blank expression, hat hiding his expression. She could tell he was sad, perhaps mad at himself. She didn’t know why he was beating himself up.

24 squeezed his hand and smiled. “Thanks for saving me, Cole.” She said, a hint of gratitude in her voice. Her heart swelled for this man but broke immediately as soon as she remembered he had left her on the battlements. She faltered for a second and he seemed to notice this. “I hurt you.” He said, lowering his head, ripping his hand away. “I’m supposed to help, and I hurt you!” 24 didn’t know what to make of this, so she sat up and put a hand on his shoulder. “Cole, it’s okay. Shh…” She said, cupping his face with her palm. Kind green eyes looking into his teary blue ones. She sighed. Yes, she liked him. Loved him even. But, 24 knew nothing could ever come of this.

Cole stayed still and stared into his eyes, not saying a word. It was as if he was staring into her soul. It was quite awkward, actually. 24 didn’t know what to do. Should she kiss him? No, he would probably run away. Hug? No. They just stayed in awkward, silence bliss.

“Go talk to Varric. He’ll explain a crush far better than I can. Besides, we have to prepare for the Winter Palace, right?” She said, rubbing his cheekbone with her thumb.

He smiled at this.

It was a few days after her attack and 24 was fully recovered. She just had to scar to prove it. So many scars. 24 looked at herself in the mirror and cringed. A red formal coat, sash, formal pants, and brown formal boots. This did not compliment her hair well. However, she was excited to see how Cole looked in his outfit. Theo was bringing 24, Cole, Dorian, and Varric to the ball at the Winter Palace. 24 was not excited for the ball what so ever. She didn’t really want to be around Cole. She was scared at what Varric had potentially told him about crushes.

She stepped out into the courtyard and joined the others, unloading her weapons into a sack that Theo was holding out. She sighed and hopped into the back of the wagon, sitting right in front of Cole. They stared at each other awkwardly and Dorian patted her on the thigh, giving her a slight wink.

Of course, Dorian, of all of her friends who liked to embarrass her, liked to sit next to her,

The ride was long and boring… and awkward. Cole was just staring at her the whole time. It was hard to avoid eye contact. It seemed Varric would sometimes make suggestive glances at him to say something, but he remained as still as a brick… much to her dismay.

“So.. ever been to Tevinter?” 24 looked at him in disbelief and confusion. Why did he direct that question to her? “No.. Dorian. Of course, I haven’t been to Tevinter.” She crossed her arms and shook her head. Dorian looked at Varric and shrugged his shoulders.

In the other wagon, the three advisors and Theo were all conversing quietly about the events to come. 24 was sure that he would update her eventually, hopefully. 24 honestly had no idea why they were going to palace in the first place, but they would find out.

The palace was beautiful, unlike anything she has ever seen. 24 looked up from the carriage in disbelief and looked at Cole in wonder, but quickly looked away since he was still staring at her in an awkward way. What was his problem? What did Varric say to him? 24 looked at the dwarf, about four or five inches shorter than her she guessed and narrowed her green eyes.

She backed him up against a tree before they walked through the gates and shoved him. “What did you tell Cole to make him act so weird?” 24’s face was in the form of a snarl at this point, contradicting the usual innocent look she had bestowed upon her angelic looks. Varric looked at her in surprise and smirked. “Why don’t you ask him that, Short Stuff?” 24 grunted and ripped herself away from him, running in the direction of the rest of her friends.

She hated this. Cole was showing himself to her, but he was not talking to her! What kind of torture was this? Cole was standing at her side, almost close enough to grasp her hand. He didn’t, of course. Why would he give her that satisfaction?

They opened the gates and the courtyard was beautiful enough Theo was exploring and of course we were all being shit talked for being a part of the Inquisition. They especially shit talked Theo for being a half elf and being in an obvious not so obvious relationship with a gorgeous man from Tevinter. Good for them, though. Varric looked around and began writing down notes for future stories perhaps. However, Cole wouldn’t leave 24’s side. Whenever she would take a step, he would too. 24 slowly intertwined her hand with his and she swore she could see a hint of a smile.

They quickly weaved through the crowd and found a secluded area, just for the two of them. To her surprise, Cole was leading the way. He was acting so strange, and it was confusing her. Why? What did she do? Cole backed her into a wall and was staring at her with such intensity that it was making her sweat. 24 nervously peered into his baby blues and smiled. He, however, remained stoic. She was worried.

“Varric said love is beautiful, kind, like a summer breeze at night. A heart swelling, beating, palms sweating, he hates me, why is he.. what does he want?” 24 looked at him in shock and wanted to dip and never come back. But, for some reason, a gut instinct told her to stay. The fire in Cole’s eyes made her stay. “People.. touch? Varric said they kiss and touch.” Varric must have a way with words apparently.

24 took his hand in hers and smiled up at him. “You know what Varric said, but do you know what you’re saying?” He looked at her and faltered a bit. It was all too new to him. It had been about three months since they’d met each other. Since then, they’d been inseparable. Cole squeezed her hand in his. He may be a spirit, but he was human enough for her. The young man stood closer to her, take her face in his soft, but calloused, hands, and smiled. His accent, his shaggy hair, his clothes, mannerisms, smile, eyes. She was just hopelessly in love with him without knowing what love even was to begin with. Cole, surprised at his own actions, leaned in and cautiously pressed his lips to hers. It was awkward, of course. Both of their eyes were flung open the whole time, staring at each other. They were in a blissful moment until the bell rang for the ball to begin. Had they been gone that long? It’s not like 24 was going to be dancing or anything. They pulled away and blushed at each other, reveling in the fact that they both just had their first kiss. “I… uh, we, should. Um..” 24 started, slowly backing away from him. He stood there awkwardly holding her in his arms. Were they supposed to kiss again? Cole also backed away and silently agreed, the both of them walking towards the ballroom in blissful silence.

When she turned around, he was gone. Figures.

24 touched delicate hands to her lips and smiled. Her first kiss, his first kiss. But now he was gone again. 24 looked around at all the nobles and sighed. They were talking about her. Something about her height and hair? What about her height and hair? Light footsteps maneuvered the crowed until she laid eyes on a familiar face: Dorian. She ran up to him, relief on her face. “Dorian.. you have no idea how happy I am to see you.” The older man bowed and smiled, sipping a fine wine. “These types of parties remind me of home. I half expect my mother to appear and correct me on my manners.” 24 giggled at this. She knew that Theo and Dorian had gone to see Dorian’s father. She decided not to ask about it since it was his business. “Enough about me. You look like a blushing bride on her wedding day! Meet a young suitor?” He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. Of course, he knew. 24 felt a bead of sweat drip down her head and she felt a deep grey come over her face. Dorian smiled and patted her on the shoulder. “I see that Varric and Cole finally had ‘the talk’ about you two. We were about sick looking at you two love sick puppies chasing each other around.” Did they really look like that? She knew that they walked around a lot holding hands and looking at each other. 24 looked at Dorian sheepishly, embarrassed. She didn’t know how to tell him that they had shared an awkward kiss.

His lips were soft. Too soft. Hers were chapped, she knew it. 24 constantly chewed at hers and would rip the skin off with her teeth. Bleeding constantly. The anxiety of constantly having to live with the fact she wanted to protect these people. She began chewing on the inside of her cheek and looked up at Dorian, blood flushing from her cheeks.

“Did you _kiss_ him?” He asked, nudging her with his shoulder. 24 looked away. Well, it was more like he kissed her. She sure hoped he didn’t regret it. That would be bad. She didn’t regret it at all, she was falling in love with him. Was it too soon? The young girl looked at Dorian and smiled. “You did! You little minx!” Dorian smiled widely and 24 looked away and covered her face, the nobles looking at her, whispering.

_“Affair?”_

_“Isn’t that the World Jumper?”_

_“What a little wanton minx! Scandalous!”_

She needed to get out of here.

Dorian listened to them and frowned, grabbing her arm and getting out of earshot. She didn’t want to go to the ballroom. Dancing wasn’t her thing. 24 adjusted her sash and looked at Varric from across the room, a knowing smile on his face. She looked away and sighed. Dorian grabbed her hand and lead her to the ballroom, tan hands clutching hers protectively. “Don’t act so depressed, we’re going to dance!” 24 sighed and hung her head. She had never danced before except for a middle school dance. That’s whenever grinding was in style. Cringing, they entered the room and got into a stance. “Just follow my lead.” He whispered in my ear. 24 nodded reluctantly and clasped their hands together.

She accidentally stepped on his foot though. Totally lost court approval. Oh well, Theo’s was the only one that needed the approval. She sighed and smiled, slowly swaying and turning with Dorian, moving to the beat of the music. Out of the corner of her eye, she could’ve sworn she saw Cole smiling softly at her overjoyed face. Dorian smiled brightly at her and dipped her, 24’s head falling back, foot hanging in the air. Some people clapped, not everyone. 24 didn’t expect everyone to be impressed. Exiting the ball room, an arm grabbed her and pulled her to a secluded part of the palace. 24 was prepared to fight, pulling out a dagger she had in her pocket.

It was Theo.

“Hey, I found out some news. I guess Gaspard is plotting something against the empress. We’re going into the palace rooms.” 24 nodded.

They all gathered in the rooms, pulling out weapons and such before standing up and looking around. 24 looked at Cole and smiled sheepishly, pulling a strand of hair behind her ear. Cole smiled back, touching his hand to hers slightly before pulling his dagger to his hand.

Then they were off.

There were Venatori agents everywhere. 24 jumped on one of them and snapped their neck, an audible ‘pop’ before he fell to the ground with a thud. The others were throwing magic, arrows, and stabbing the agents while she was taking a more hands on approach to things. ‘Pop’ another. ‘Crack’ another. She didn’t know how many more agents there could be. The young girl looked around and sighed, the dead bodies littering the area. Cole looked at her with an empathetic stare. “It’s okay. They hurt people.” She nodded, and they continued on. Cole was uncomfortably close to her. She had the feeling that he wanted to protect her. How cute. She looked at him and smiled, a warm fuzzy feeling blooming in her stomach.

_Get a grip, girl._

More agents took a beating from them as they continued on, one by one those bastards fell. Their stupid outfits pissed 24 off. She grabbed one of their bows and arrows to use as a weapon. Nice. She aimed it at one of the agents and he fell dead, an arrow right between the eyes. “Nice one, Short Stuff.” Varric said, off to the side. She smirked and hit another. This was almost too easy. 24 looked at Cole. Said young man was currently hacking and slashing his way through the agents with finesse that was akin to her own. She was proud.

They entered a courtyard and found Florianne appeared as well as agents surrounding them. 24 looked at her with squinted eyes and sighed, adjusting her sash. Theo merely looked around and gripped his staff. She started spewing some bullshit about Corypheus promising her Thedas for killing the Inquisitor for interfering with his plans. 24 instinctively stepped in front of Cole to protect him, drawing her bow and standing in a defensive position. When they started attacking, she quickly drew an arrow and shot it through the eye of one of the opposers, smirking as they dropped dead. Cole looked at her in shock and she smiled, but that smile was quickly changed to worry as an agent began running up to him. Quickly, she pushed Cole out of the way and he landed on the ground with a ‘thud’. She jumped on top of the opposing agent and sank her claws into his neck, effectively ripping it into his neck. Blood began spewing everywhere, and she was wary to not let it get on her outfit. Before she could step away, he grasped her ankle and dragged her down with him. Resilient one. He straddled her and pressed two hands around her throat, choking her. 24 was gasping for air, facing turning a mottled grey. Faintly, she could hear Cole scream ‘No!’ and he tackled the agent on the ground, stabbing him repeatedly until he couldn’t move anymore. 24 coughed and gasped for air, sitting up to look at Cole. Her savior. Her love. Well, probably one-sided love. Theo, Varric, Dorian, and Cole all ran to her side, helping her get up. She shooed them away and smiled. “I’m fine, see?” She said, spinning around and doing the wave with her arms. Theo shook his head and laughed at her, giving her a noogie to the noggin. “Watch the hair!” Everything seemed so normal.

Now they just had to get back, and Theo had to make the decision on whether or not to save the empresses life or not. Once they all trudged back to the ballroom, Theo strolled in and walked straight to Cullen, Leliana, and Josephine. They were conversing closely. Meanwhile, 24 looked at Cole and exhaled slowly. “Thank you, for uh, saving me back there.” Cole merely looked down at her and touched her shoulder. _People touch, Varric said._ Rang in her mind. He was so innocent. 24 smiled and leaned into his touch, tired from the events earlier. He merely smiled and stroked her shoulder. They all waited in anticipation, Florianne and Gaspard standing next to Celene. The next thing she knew, Theo warned Celene about what Florianne was planning and effectively saved her life.

With the loss of a few Inquisition soldiers, however, they managed to chase Florianne outside where she somehow changed from a ballgown into a jester’s outfit. She would be a formidable foe. 24 hopped down to chase her and Cole followed. Dorian, Varric, and Theo decided to stay from a distance to attack. 24 tackled her to the ground and swiped at her, an attack she dodged. Smart lady. “I heard about you, World Jumper,” She began, a wicked grin on her face, “The Master would be most pleased with your death.” She said, knocking her bow into 24’s head, knocking the young girl off of her. 24 groaned and hopped back up, going to jump kick Florianne. It landed, and she fell to the ground. Was this just going to be a fist fight? 24 hoped so. She loved those. Cole lunged forward and went to go stab her, but she dodged his attack and went to go stab him. Blood roared in 24’s ears, adrenaline coursing through her blood. She ran up to them and knocking the knife out of her hand. “You bitch! Don’t hurt him!” She punched Florianne in the face, effectively breaking her nose. Florianne looked at her in disgust and disappeared using a rogue’s trick, reappearing back up on the fountain, directing her attacks at the others, leaving time for Cole and 24 to recover. They stared at each other, catching their breaths. 24 heaved herself up and grabbed her bow, aiming at Florianne. It merely skimmed her arm. Another arrow. It missed. What was with her? She never did this bad with fighting. 24 released another arrow and pierced Florianne’s leg, making her collapsed with a shriek. Theo took the opportunity to freeze her with his staff. She died after this. 24 didn’t feel bad. Cole kind of did.

Cole and 24 stayed out on the balcony while the Inquisitor dealt with political issues. They merely looked over the garden, almost touching their bodies together. Dorian came out behind them and clasped his hands around both of their shoulders. “Hello, my lovely little love birds.” He said, a smirk plastered over his handsome face. Cole and 24 bashfully looked at each other and then looked away. “Oh, don’t act so shy! You’re practically married now!” 24 slapped Dorian’s hand away and stepped a few feet away, balling her fists together. “Don’t you have a certain pale skinned elf to make heart eyes at?” She asked, crossing her arms. He held his hands up in defeat. “Fine, fine. But I better get an invitation to the wedding.” He walked away, leaving no chance for 24 to yell at him. She sighed and shook her head. Cole was still staring at the ground, not saying a word. “Uh.. Cole?” She said, stepping a bit closer to him. 24 was worried that Dorian had scared him away from her forever, or even perhaps making him hate her. “Worrying, tired, wishing those blue eyes would look at me. I don’t hate you.” He said, looking at her. 24 sighed in relief and stepped closer. He leaned off the balcony and took a hand in his, rubbing a thumb over her palm. “Love, I think I love him. I’m scared, like burning pit in my stomach, what if he rejects me?” 24 looked down, but he hooked a finger under her jaw. _I’m scared too._ She smiled at this and leaned in to hug him, a sentiment he returned.

She started swaying slowly, a movement he cautiously followed. “What are we doing?” She looked up at him and blushed. It was like slow dancing at a middle school dance. How juvenile. Cole stared down at her in wonder, head tilted to the side like a curious puppy. “I guess dancing.” She giggled, imagining “I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing” by Aerosmith playing. Of course, music was much different here. She didn’t mind it, but she missed the music of Earth. Live, Metallica, Maroon 5, Eminem, etc. But, she didn’t want to return to Earth. Listening to Cole’s heartbeat, she smiled and snuggled into his chest, imagining them on a dancefloor in some middle school gym instead of a balcony at a palace. They’d probably be ‘that’ weird couple. They kind of look like twins, actually. 24 had white hair, he had bleach blond hair, blue and green eyes, pale skin. Awkward, slouchy stature. That just made them a better couple, she guessed. Were they a couple? So many questions. They had only kissed once. 24 was in her own thoughts and she didn’t even notice that Cole was looking down at her with intense eyes.

24 looked up at him and smiled. “Beautiful.” He said, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. She blushed and looked down but looked back up at the feeling of his hand cradling her cheek. “No, you.” Cole looked at down at her and tilted his head again, choosing to ignore it. He leaned down and touched his lips to hers again, both of their eyes wide open. Again. She pressed a little further into him, deepening the kiss. She finally closed her eyes, allowing herself to melt into the dance, into the kiss, into him. Cole also closed his eyes, becoming surer of what to do.

Varric was right, girls do like being kissed.


	6. To Be Human *

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cole learns what it means to be human
> 
> TW: Violence, talk of past attempted rape, gets a little saucy at the end with an awkward handjob lmao

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you're enjoying! full smut should be coming soon... ;)

24 was exhausted after the Winter Palace ordeal. Cole had barely been leaving her side, aside from going to talk to Solas occasionally. They would kiss frequently, awkwardly, hands staying at each other’s sides. They didn’t wander. They were both too young, too innocent. 24 was currently in the garden, staring at Morigan from afar. She was a strange one, her son was even stranger. 24 was looking at the flowers, running her hands over the delicate petals. There was some elfroot, too. She liked the flowers the best, though. 24 stood up and walked towards the courtyard, kicking up the dust with her black boots. Halamshiral was definitely interesting. Gaspard was to be imprisoned due to his meddling. Celene remained in power. She sighed, sticking her hands in her pockets. She was bored. The next expedition wouldn’t be for a while, and she didn’t have anything to do. Theo and Dorian were spending copious amounts of time together, so she didn’t want to bother them too much. Varric was too far up Bianca’s ass, Cole was probably with Solas, and Iron Bull was training with Cassandra. She was left to her own devices. 24 was a little too tired to deal with anyone else right now, especially Vivienne’s attitude. She entered the main tower and walked into Solas’ study, intent on seeing what he was up to. However, Theo, Cole, and Solas all seemed to be in a small argument. 24 hid in the small crevice of the room and listened in.

“You found one of the amulets! Excellent. May I?” Solas asked, reaching for the amulet in Theo’s hand. He then looked at Cole and handed him it. “It is simple enough. You put it on, I charge it with magic, and you should be protected.” Protected? Protected from what? 24 wrung her hands nervously for her friend (boyfriend?), and stayed as still as possible, intent on listening in. “We know it’s not just going to work, right? It never just works.” Theo said, crossing his arms. It was true, nothing ever just works like that. “Have faith, Inquisitor.” Solas said before casting his spell, only to have it react poorly and make Cole shriek.

24 jumped out from her crevice and walked up to them, hands balled into fists. “What did you do to him?” She asked, a fire blazing in her eyes. Varric walked up behind her and put a reassuring hand on her shoulder. “Oh for.. what are you doing to the kid?” Theo and Solas looked at them while Cole was rubbing his head. 24 walked over to him and put a hand on his arm, rubbing it soothingly.

“Stopping blood mages from binding me like the demons at Adamant. But it didn’t work.” 24 widened her eyes. Cole wasn’t a demon, he was far from it! 24 grasped his hand and squeezed it, intent on protecting him from further harm. Solas stepped forward and laced his arms behind is back. “Something is interfering with the enchantment.” 24 looked at the bald elf and sighed. Why was Cole hiding this from her? “Something like Cole not being a demon?” Varric said with sarcasm lacing his voice, arms crossed against his hairy chest. Theo was the only one who’s been mostly silent before now, but he stepped up to speak.

“Solas, is it possible that the amulet doesn’t work on Cole because he’s too.. human?” Solas frowned, disapproving slightly.

“Regardless of Cole’s special circumstances, he remains a spirit.” Funny, for a spirit he was strangely pliable. 24 squeezed Cole’s hand as reassurance and smiled up at him, a smile he did not return.

“Yes, a spirit who is strangely like a person?” Varric said smugly, looking at Cole and Solas with a glint of humor. She could feel frustration ripping through Cole before he pulled away from her, leaving her feeling… empty.

“I don’t matter. Just lock away the parts of me that someone else could knot together to make me follow.” Her heart was breaking for him. He seemed so lost. 24 opened her mouth to say something but shut it quickly. She didn’t want to add any more stress. “Focus on the amulet. Tell me what you feel.” Cole looked back slightly at Solas before hanging his head. “Warm, soft blanket covering, but it catches, tears, I’m the wrong shape, there’s something…. There. That way.” He pointed in the opposite direction. The whole group looked at the wall and tilted their heads.

“It appears we have something to find. I told you it never just works.” Theo’s baritone voice came, a hint of humor coming through to try to dispel the tension. Varric nodded and looked at 24 and Cole. “All right, kid. Get Cullen and work with him on the map to figure out where you’re sensing something wrong.” They both nodded, 24’s heart dropping at the mention of Cullen. They had barely talked since Dorian spoke to him about his possible feelings for her. What would he think about her harboring feelings for Cole?

“Will you come with me? All of you?” He asked, looking around at everyone in the room, focusing his gaze on 24. She blushed and looked at the ground. Those blue eyes were killer. “Sure.” Varric said. Cole walked out of the study, and everyone dispersed. 24 followed Cole onto the battlements and grabbed his arm, turning him around to look at her.

“Are you alright, Cole?” She asked, green eyes staring into his intense and teary blue ones. No, he wasn’t alright. Something was bothering him. “I don’t want to be bound like the demons at Adamant.” He said, looking at the ground. 24 cupped his cheek with a clawed hand and rubbed his cheekbone, causing a blush to spread across his face. “I won’t let anything happen to you, trust me. I would rather have them cut me down a thousand times than to see you get hurt once.” Cole frowned at this and shook his head, grasping both of her wrists with his hands. “No.” Was all he said before he dragged them Cullen’s office.

He didn’t even knock, he just walked right in. Cullen looked up, ready to yell at a soldier, but widened his eyes at the sight of Cole and 24 hand in hand. “Uh.. what can I do for you?” Before they could say anything, Theo walked in behind them. 24 sighed in relief, glad that she didn’t have to deal with Cullen alone. She could feel tension and built up anger reeling within him, ready to explode. 24 didn’t want to be the cause of that. She squeezed Cole’s hand and pressed closer to him. Cole stood still and stared at Cullen, almost crushing her hand. What was he thinking. He stepped away from her as she was spacing out, watching Cole, Theo, and Cullen look at the map to pinpoint the location of where Cole was having the ‘problem’.

Maybe they could grab food after this? She was craving some bread.

After about fifteen minutes, they pinpointed the location. Redcliff. She detested the place for some reason. They were leaving tomorrow, _24 couldn’t wait._ Cole grabbed her hand again and was silent the whole way to her room. What was his issue? 24 yelped in shock as he threw her gently onto her own bed and crawled on top of her. Did he even know what he was doing? “Uh, Cole?” She asked, peering up at him through wide eyes. He merely stared down at her. 24 felt her face turn almost black at this point, her head getting awfully light. The room seemed to be spinning and the only thing she could focus on was Cole. “He was jealous.” Was all he said before cupping her cheek in his rough hand, cradling it gently. “He wants you as his own.” 24 closed her eyes and sighed. Of course, he did, but he couldn’t. She only wanted Cole. “Looks of longing from afar, wishing to hold, to touch, but she’s with _him_.” 24 put a hand to his mouth to make him stop, ‘shushing’ him lightly. She didn’t need to hear this. Cullen didn’t have a chance, Dorian should have told him this. 24 didn’t know Cullen’s exact age, but he was probably a good ten years older than her. Commanding, loud, aggressive. His mind filled with anguish and anger. “Cole..” 24 sat up so they could be face to face, mouths almost touching. “There’s only one thing I want in this world.” He looked into her eyes expectantly and tilted his head like a confused puppy. “You.”

She leaned in to kiss him, one he returned sweetly. Both of their eyes were closed, just savoring the moment with each other. They had no idea what to do next, so the merely just melted into each other and smiled when they parted to breathe.

“I want you, too.”

He stayed with her that night, sitting on the edge of her bed to ensure she didn’t have any nightmares. When she would wake up in a frenzy, he was there the calm her with a warm hug and a kiss to the forehead. She would thank him and go back to sleep. Rinse and repeat. He didn’t mind.

It was the next day, and they were preparing to head out to Redcliff. It wouldn’t be a long trip, maybe a day or two. She slipped on her black jeans and black trusty black turtleneck, looking in the mirror. Did Cole like the way she looked? 24 was very self-conscious of the way she looked. Scars marring her body up and down. Some self-inflicted, a lot of them were not. 24 rolled up her sleeve and stroked the scars on her arms, sighing. They were never going away.

She stepped out of her room and met up with the others, smiling at Cole. They were all ready to go. “What’s up, party people?” She asked, putting her hands on her hips and jutting one out. Cole looked at her and frowned. “We’re not at a party.” 24 shook her head. Of course, they wouldn’t understand Earth mannerisms. She was a goofy goober, a noob, a wild child. At least, she used to be. Theo strapped his staff to his back and pulled on his gloves, adjusting his pack over his back and nodding. “Let’s head out, then.” They followed him to the stables and 24 widened her eyes. There were only four horses. Where was hers? “Uh…” She started, looking around for a horse. “Theo smirked and crossed his arms. “I thought you’d like to ride with your little boyfriend.” 24 blushed and looked away, not making eye contact with Cole. Boyfriend? They’ve barely done anything besides kiss! She’s never even been interested in having a boyfriend before. Cole looked at her and Theo, slowly nodding. “Okay.” He said, grabbing her hand and leading her to the brown stallion. He didn’t even give her a chance to protest before he lifted her by the slim waist, hoisting her onto the horse.

Cole jumped on as well, getting comfortable in front of her. She wasn't quite sure what to do. Wrap her arms around him? Hold onto the horse for dear life? 24 opted to wrap her arms around him delicately. She had never ridden a horse before, preferring to get around by foot. She blushed and nestled her face against his back, soaking up his warmth which was a contrast to the crisp atmospheric air of Skyhold. 

As they set off, it was dead silent. No one was talking. Minds blank. Well, except for Cole's. His was rushing with worry and anxiety. 24 cuddled into him closer, splaying a hand onto his chest to comfort him. It barely worked, however. It only brought a little bit of light into the abyss of his mind.

Night was growing nearer, but they were close to Redcliff at this point, so they opted to stay at an Inn for the night outside of the city. Separate rooms for everyone except for Cole and 24. She wanted to throw a hissy fit, but the spirit boy laid a comforting hand on her shoulder and shook his head, as if saying 'no need for that'. 

Unlocking the door to their room, 24's face fell as she found there only to be one bed. Of course. She had never shared a bed with another in her life, not even Nina. The young girl looked at Cole and he merely had a blank stare on his face before walking over to the bed and sitting down, patting the spot next to him. 24 slowly sauntered over to him and sat down, hands in her lap. They sat in awkward silence, both not quite sure what to say. Cole slowly moved a hand to her thigh and caressed the clothed limb lovingly, still staring at the wall. 24 gulped and blushed, looking at his hand, then looking at him. She has never been so intimately touched before, so lovingly touched. A shaking clawed hand reached out to cup his cheek, turning his flushed face towards hers. They simply stared into each others eyes, neither of them moving an inch.

Surprised at his own boldness, Cole moved to pin 24 to the bed, caging her between his thin, but muscular arms. He leaned down to kiss her, slowly molding his soft lips with her coarse and chapped ones. He didn't mind, it's what made her... her. Her soul, her song, it was calling out to him like a sweet melody, begging for more. But, they didn't know how to continue. The most of the 'talk' she had ever gotten was the kids in the back of the school bus talking about the porn they had watched, but she had barely listened. Dorian had given her some details, but 24 wasn't too sure if Cole wanted to continue. She didn't want him to see her, her body. It was... mortifying in a way. Scarred, marred, ugly. Rail thin with bones protruding everywhere. No matter how hard she tried, she could not gain the weight back. 

They parted and smiled at each other, Cole's shaggy blond hair tickling 24's nose and making her giggle slightly. "I like that noise." He said, doing it again, making her giggle even more. 24 hadn't felt this happy in a long time, and she was only wondering how long it was going to last. She hoped forever, wanting to live forever with this strange spirit boy. 

God, what was she turning into? Some silly school girl? It felt good to be.. a normal girl again.

They rolled over and Cole cradled her in his arms, resting his head on top of hers. She felt strangely at home, like _he_ was home. 24 never wanted this moment to end. Her veins turned to ice as realization shook her. Yeah, she knew she loved him, but she's _in love_ with him. So hopelessly in love with him. From the moment in Haven when they first met, it was like destiny. She had never felt love before. Love for a best friend maybe. No love from her parents, though. Love, what a strange word. No, she couldn't love. She was a monster, a freak, an abomination brought forth from Room 24. Caught up in her own thoughts, she totally forgot that Cole could actually read them. 

"A hidden hurt, like a dagger to the heart, silent screams bouncing around in my head, scared to love, hurts to _love._ "

She winced at this and sighed, of course he would say stuff like this now.

"I love _him_."

She looked up at him, slightly shaking, tears pricking her eyes. Yes, she was. 24 was mortified that he knew she was in love with him now, knowing he probably didn't feel the same way. 24 shook her head and broke free from his grasp and sat up on the bed. She dug the heels of her hands into her eyes to stop the tears from dripping and sighed. Was it meant to be? Or was it some childlike fantasy? Cole sat up behind her and tapped a long finger on her shoulder. "Julia." She turned around at this.

"I love you, too." The tears began falling for real this time as she jumped into his arms, sobbing into his chest. Cole rubbed a soothing hand on her back and smiled, digesting his own words. He loved her, he truly did. It was fate. Two misfits brought together in this world. 

They fell asleep in each others arms that night, a smile on both of their faces.

It was time to figure out the problem as to why the amulet wasn't working. They all headed out into Redcliff, stepping into the middle of town. They noticed a man in leather armor talking to a shorter man in metal armor. He stopped talking as he noticed the band of them walking up to him.

"Greetings. Can I help you?"

Before anyone could say anything, Cole had an angry snarl plastered on his faced and growled "You." Before turning invisible and charging at the man, grabbing him by the head. 24 had never seen him so angry. What happened to her soft and innocent love? 

"You killed me!" He practically yelled! The man had his hands up, obviously not understanding what was going on. How could he? Cole obviously looked very much alive. "Wait, I don't.. I don't even know you!" The man pleaded, looking up at Cole with confused eyes. 24 wanted to intervened, but Varric stopped her before she could do anything. "You forgot, you locked me in a dungeon in the Spire! And you forgot, and I died in the dark!" 24 remembered Cole telling her about the Spire, but he barely told her about this. "The Spire?" The man said, obviously scared since Cole had a dagger pointed at him. 

Solas walked up before Varric could stop him, and 24 followed closely, relieved that someone stopped this madness. She looked at them both with wide eyes as the man ran away. "Cole, stop." Solas simply said, crossing his arms. "Take it easy kid." Varric said. The anger was radiating off of Cole at this point, and it was shaking 24 to the core. She felt helpless, like there was nothing she could do. "He killed me, he killed me! That's why it doesn't work. He killed me, and I have to kill him back!" Theo stepped up and stepped in front of Cole, looking at him with such an intense gaze that it even made 24 want to run away.

"Before anyone gets killed, I need to know what's going on." 

"Cole, this man could not have killed you. You are a spirit. You may not even possessed a body." Solas said, reasoning in his voice. Cole looked at him with intense eyes, fidgeting slightly. "A broken body, bloody, banged on the stone cell, guts gripping in the dark dank, a captured apostate. They threw him into the dungeon in the Spire at Val Royeaux. They forgot about him. He starved to death. I came through to help... And I couldn't, so I became him." He had tears in his eyes at this point. 24 looked at him with wide eyes. What does this mean. He wasn't really Cole? She was utterly confused. "Cole." 

"If Cole was an apostate, that'd make the guy we just saw a templar. Must've been buying Lyrium." Varric looked off in the distance to wear the man ran off to, pondering about what Cole was supposed to do. 24 merely stood in silence, shock coursing through her body. She wasn't afraid, just dumbfounded at the situation unfolding before her. 

"Let me kill him. I need to, I need to.." This didn't sound like her Cole at all. He sounded.. dark. He reminded 24 of herself when she escaped the compound, enraged, angry, frightened of the outcome. 24 opened her mouth to speak, but shut it quickly, unsure of what to say. She wanted no part of this, and wanted Cole to figure this out for himself. He needed to grow. She began wringing her hands anxiously, leaving red marks from her nails, scratching, burning. Cole began walking in the direction of the man, leaving the four of them to talk amongst themselves.

Theo looked at them and nodded his head. "Cole will never grow into a real person until he comes to terms with what happened." Solas frowned while Varric agreed. 24 didn't know how to feel. While she didn't want to see Cole kill anyone out of revenge, she agreed that he needed to grow. But, she remained as silent as ever. Solas looked at her intensely and sighed. "What do you think?" 24 widened her eyes and let her jaw clench, grinding her teeth aggressively. "I, uh.. think that, um, he needs to uh.. grow." She said in a small voice, hiding her face from her friends. Solas had a look of disappointment on his face.

"Leave it to me and 24." Varric said, waving his arm for 24 to follow. They weren't exactly subtle with their affections, so basically everyone knew they were.. involved. Well, somewhat involved. She followed Varric carefully, wary of what was about to happen. As they approached Cole, she fought the urge to reach out and hug him.

"Alright kid. You want revenge? Come with me." They both followed Varric towards the man who was cowering nearby like a scared puppy. Pathetic. 24 was no stranger to revenge. The memories of melting faces, bashed skulls, and ripped out throated haunted her constantly. 

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!" 24 could basically feel the fear radiating off the man. She didn't feel bad for him, though. Why should she? "Sorry isn't going to help him now, is it kids?" Wait, kids? 24 pointed at herself and waved her hands dismissively. She wanted no part in this, for this was Cole's revenge. God help him, God help everyone. "God have mercy on your sorry soul." She whispered out loud, earning a confused stare from Varric. 24 wasn't the most religious type. But it was whatever.

"No." Cole simply said, a frown on his face. Varric loaded Bianca and handed it to Cole. 24 was surprised at this, Varric never let anyone touch his most prized possession. "Then pull the trigger and put him down like a mad dog." 24 watched from the background as if this was some sort of movie. "Do it!" Varric said. 24 wanted to laugh, but the situation didn't warrant it. It reminded her of when Palpatine told told Anakin to kill Dooku in Star Wars. Perhaps she would have to laugh about it another time when the situation wasn't so.. intense. "No!" The man cried, basically on his knees with his hands in front of his face. 24 didn't want to look away. She didn't necessarily enjoy it, but she wanted to watch him grow into a person. 

But he never shot him.

"How're you doin' kid? Feel any better?" Varric whispered to him, not surprised that he didn't shoot him. 24 exhaled a breath that she didn't know she was holding, putting a hand to her chest. 

"No."

24's heart broke for Cole. She just wanted to hug and kiss his pain away. But it wasn't that simple.

"You can't just make it all go away. I learned that the hard way." Those words hit home for her, plain and simple. Killing wasn't the answer. It never is. She could've just escaped without killing all of the scientists and guards, but she chose to. They had families, friends.. she didn't want to think about it.

"Forget.." Varric put a hand on his arm, lowering it. "No, he needs to remember. You, too. We're done here." 24 cautiously put her arm around Cole's back, Varric's arm on the other side, and they guided him away from the man. He needed to remember.

It was a silent ride back to Skyhold, all of them needing to digest what just happened. 

When they arrived back, Theo, Solas, and Varric parted ways, leaving Cole and 24 alone. It was awkwardly silent, to say the least. He suddenly grabbed her arm and led them to her room, slamming her door shut and sitting them on the bed.

"Are you scared of me now?"

24 widened her eyes and shook her head. Scared? No. Shocked? Yes. She was just glad Cole was finally growing into the person he was meant to be. She smiled and put a hand to his cheek. "No." She simply said, giving a quick peck to his cheek. Cole felt warmth bloom in his chest, a new feeling he had never felt before. Was this part of being human? Everything was hurting, but she made it better. They both decided that they would talk to Solas tomorrow about what happened. 

"Cole, I know revenge better than anyone." She said, returning her hand to her lap. The man looked at her and tilted his head. She had never told him exactly what happened, only that she had left a bad place where bad people had hurt her. 

"Tell me." He said, obviously not wanting to talk about himself. He must have been tired from the events that just happened. 24 nervously began rubbing her hands together, not sure how to word what exactly happened. She let out a shaky sight and tucked a stray hair behind her ear. 

"Well.. it started when a guard threw me against the wall. I was angry, so I crushed him with a door by vaulting it at him. Another guard came running in, so I ripped his throat out. He had tried to.. uh.. engage in.. some activities with me in the past." She remembered it all to clearly. He had pinned her against the wall and pulled down her pants, whispering what a 'good girl' she was. She could feel his member through his pants. It disgusted her, so she kicked him in the balls and ran away. "I then climbed onto the pipes on the ceiling and would attack the guards from above, snapping their necks and ripping their necks open. Not a pretty sight. I was blinded by rage, driven by revenge. I set fire to the labs, melting everyone in my path." It was short and sweet, not all in detail. She would often dream of what happened, and she hoped Solas would never appear in one of those dreams. "I escaped, and that's how I ended up here." She faked a smile, looking up at him. 

Cole nodded. "I won't let anyone ever hurt you. You're mine." That sent a jolt of electricity to her core, excitement coursing through her body. She leaned up and kissed him before pinning him to the bed. Pelvis on pelvis, lips on lips. Cole involuntarily ground his hips into hers and she moaned into his mouth, a sound he swallowed. He liked that sound, so he did it again. 24 blushed. God, what were they doing? Cole could feel his pants getting uncomfortably tight and he whined, breaking their kiss. 24 had never felt pleasure like this. She had never touched herself before, and she doubt Cole had either. 

"What are we doing?" 24 didn't know how to answer that question. Grinding? Were they about to have sex? Do the do? Doink? She honestly didn't know if she was ready, but she would feel bad if she left him high and dry but she didn't know what to do. "I.. don't know what to do, honestly." She admitted, looking into his eyes. She knew that his um, member went into her.. private area, but that was about it. She didn't know about foreplay, blowjobs, handjobs, or anything else. But, she could give it a try. Slowly rising off of him, much to his dismay, she palmed his pants rather awkwardly. He seemed to be enjoying it, however, since he let out a moan. She cautiously pulled down his pants and boxers, looking at his cock with wide eyes. God, this is the first dick she'd ever seen. It seemed large, but she didn't know. Cautiously and driven by instinct, she wrapped her hand around it and gave a pump, testing the water. Cole let out another moan so she began pumping it slowly.

"That feels good."

24 smiled bashfully and accidentally squeezed too hard, making Cole hiss in pain. She let go quickly in a frenzy and hid her face. Cole sat up and moved her hands from her face. "It's okay." She nodded and wrapped her hand around his cock again, deciding to give it another go. She became a little more confident with her ability and sped up the process, weaseling more moans from him. "Julia.." He moaned, shocking her with the use of her birth name. It excited her. Cole knew he wouldn't last much longer, he could feel it. The aching, desperate feeling in the pit of his stomach.

And just like that, he came. On 24's face. Some of it in her eye.

"Ow!" She yelped, cradling her face. It was burning, a weird sensation. She didn't care about the rest of his cum littering her body and face, only the fact it literally landed straight into her eye. Cole jumped to her aid but failed miserably considering his pants were still around his ankles, falling on the ground with a grunt. With a hand covering her eye, she awkwardly helped him back up on the bed and flopped on her back beside him, giggling slightly. They were a mess.

Cole looked at her, confusion on his face before pulling up his pants. "Oh, I love you Cole." She said, smiling and looking at him with one eye. He smiled down at her and kissed her forehead. "I love you, too. Sorry about your eye." She giggled and waved it off. It didn't even hurt anymore. She uncovered it and cuddled up next to him, yawning. It had been a long, taxing day. "Let us sleep."

He didn't sleep that night. He merely admired the beauty rare calmness of her sleeping face.

She was at peace, and so was he.


	7. Hellwalker *

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Thought I could fly, so I stepped off the Golden,  
> Nobody cried, nobody even noticed,  
> I saw them standing right there, kinda thought they might care,  
> I had a dream, I got everything I wanted,  
> But when I wake up I see.. you with me"  
> \- Everything I Wanted, Billie Eilish

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: graphic depictions of violence, smut, depression + suicidality + suicide attempt
> 
> at the end, the first few lines are from "Humans are such easy prey" by perturbator. give it a listen, if electronica is is your thing :)
> 
> also, the whole premise of Room 24 is based off the song 'Room 24' by Volbeat, one of my fav songs. If rock is your thing, def give it a listen!
> 
> also in my bag bc i have been listening to billie eilish recently soooooo

24 shot up in the bed with a cold sweat, kicking and screaming. Cole held her arms down gently and shushed her with wide eyes. "It's okay." He held her with such gentleness it made her tremble. She didn't deserve it. 24 looked up at him with tears in her eyes and blinked, shaking immensely.

"Rage filling my mind like a hot fire, poison coursing through my veins. They killed him, they killed him." 24 closed her eyes and turned her head from him, taking in a shaky breath. "You're not her anymore." This caught her attention. Looking up at him, she could feel her heart rapidly beating, shaking her whole body. It was the early morning, probably around four in the morning. 24 wouldn't be able to fall back asleep. Slowly reaching up, she molded her lips with Cole's, brushing her tongue with his. She needed to forget, to forget everything even for just one moment.

She needed Cole.

Needed his love, his affection, his touch. Cole could feel this and trembled, feeling a tightness in his pants. "Cole.." She said, looking into his eyes. 24 didn't need to say anything more, he understood. She knew it would be awkward, purely instinct. They both didn't know what to do, and she was afraid. Virginity never meant anything much to her, she only saw it as a social construct to control girls. However, she was afraid that her inexperience would mess everything up. 

24 sat up and undid her bindings, allowing her chest to be exposed to the cold air of the room. Cole stared at her in wonder, a hand slowly grazing her cheek. She gently grabbed his hand and brought it to her breast, allowing him to touch her. "It's okay, I won't break." He gave and experimental squeeze and 24 let out an accidental moan. She was surprised her scars and self consciousness wasn't driving him away like she was afraid it would. 24 felt a tightness growing in the pit of her stomach, a burning desire for the man in front of her. The love of her life.

24 smiled and pushed his hair back, looking into his crystalline eyes. Cole leaned down and kissed her, caressing her breasts. She moaned into his mouth, a sound he swallowed hungrily. Driven by instinct, Cole reached down and pulled down her shorts, leaving her bottom half bare to the world. "Pretty." He said, laying a hand on her stomach. 24 blushed and looked away. Cole frowned and turned her head towards him, looking into her eyes. He wanted her to look at him. 24 reached for the bottom of his shirt, lifting it over his head. God, he was quite the specimen. She hesitantly put her hands on his chest and felt around, caressing his abs, getting to know his body. It was beautiful. He wasn't too thin, he was toned to perfection. Perfect in her eyes. 24 blushed, smiling, leaning up to kiss him, a kiss he returned

It was becoming more heated, however. Cole stood up to take off his pants and undergarments, leaving him bare to her. Cole leaned back over her, rubbing his cock over her slit. 24 blushed and jerked, looking away from him with wide eyes. That was not something she was expecting. It was also something he was not expecting, merely an accident. "Burning hot like a warm summer night, loving touches heating me up, I love him." Cole said, holding himself still over her. "I love you, too." 24 looked up at him and smiled. She felt more comfortable at this, allowing her desire for him to take control. She drifted her hand down, caressing his stomach on the way which caused a shiver, and gripped his cock.

Cole moaned. At least from this angle, there would be no accidents of cum landing in her eye. She slowly began pumping him, allowing his member to slide up and down along her opening. It felt nice, amazing. A pleasure she had never felt before. They were both awkwardly silent, not sure what to say. So, they decided to let their actions speak for them. However, their inexperience didn't let that last for long.

"Uh.. what.. I.." Cole stuttered, looking at her with wide eyes. 24 understood, she didn't know what to do either. Well, she knew his.. penis went into her.. vagina.. but then what? Would it hurt? How long did it last? Was he supposed to do anything to her? She should've asked Dorian for advice before she had done this.

"I.. don't know either. I think you put it in me." She said awkwardly, pointing to his member. Cole looked down and blushed, looking back into her eyes. She was slick enough, and she only cared about his pleasure. She wasn't selfish, didn't care about herself. Anyway, it wasn't like she knew what he could do to her anyway. He could feel her soul calling out for him, just as his was calling for hers. Their physical and spiritual selves intertwining, consuming each other. "We.. don't have to figure out everything out now. I just want.. _you."_ Cole shivered at this, caressing her cheek. He wanted her, too. She could feel it in his thoughts. Cole reached his hand down and intertwined his hand with hers, smiling down at her lovingly.

"I'm ready." She simply said. Did he know what to do? Did _she_ know what to do? Cole nodded slowly, taking in a shaking breath and positioned himself rather clumsily at her entrance. He looked at her one more time for permission and she nodded, smiling up at him. Cole slowly began pushing in and 24 braced herself, waiting for the pain.

Except, there was none. Just a stretching feeling. She loved it.

24 moaned, and it spurred Cole on. He gave an experimental thrust, and 24 jerked her hips up involuntarily. It felt nice, perfect even. "Cole.." She said, looking into his eyes. She wanted more, she wanted him to move. She wanted _him,_ all of him. The young man began thrusting slowly, carefully, shyly. 24 could feel a pressure in the pit of her stomach growing, desire for Cole growing. He could feel it, but he didn't want this to end yet. It was too soon.

He began speeding up, pounding into her carefully but driven by instinct. "Julia, I.." He said, moaning slightly, quietly. 24 blushed at her name being said, but she liked it. She began meeting his thrusts and feeling herself tipping over the edge. She didn't know what was happening, but it felt so good. 24 gripped his pack, lightly digging her nails into the pale skin of his traps. It didn't hurt him, only spurred him on. Cole reached down to kiss her slowly, feeling his peak building like it had before whenever she had used her hand. "Burning, feeling, pleasure from him, I can't take it anymore, I.." And with that, 24 came undone, and came. She moaned loudly, and that was enough for Cole to come undone as well. He began speeding up his thrusts and moaned, sitting up to watch himself enter her over and over. "I.. I.." He came. Inside her.

24 felt a pleasant warmth deep inside her core as he slowed his thrusts, beads of sweat dripping down his forehead. She didn't care if it lasted only a little bit, it felt amazing. They weren't blushing virgins anymore, finally giving into their desire for each other. Cole pressed his forehead to hers and caught took in a shaky breath, still having tremors from his release.

He pulled out slowly and flopped next to her, both of them catching their breath. 24 flipped on her side to face him, pushing the hair out of his eyes, smiling. She loved him.

They remained in silence, just basking in the moment. Both of them were glowing. She loved him, and he loved her. Happiness overcame her in this dark world, cruel world. It felt... calming. She wasn't in pain for once, physical or emotional.

24 just wanted to focus on this moment, she didn't want the anxieties to fall on them. She scooted over and laid her head on his chest as he put his arm around her. They both knew they wouldn't fall asleep, just laying peacefully awake.

"I'm happy." Cole laid a gentle kiss on her forehead. 24 was happy too, but she didn't feel the need to say it. He more than likely knew it. "I love you." She whispered, pressing a kiss to his chest. 

He smiled at that.

-

Eventually it was time to go talk to Solas and 24 was dreading it after her nightmare/flashback. It was too intense, too painful. It felt too _real_ right now. Cole and 24 walked hand in hand to the study in blissful silence, avoiding eye contact with everyone that crossed their path. They had that post-sex glow, and they didn't want anyone questioning them about it. Quite awkward.

As they entered the study, Solas stood up and greeted them with a nod. "Cole, how are you doing?" He asked, walking up to them. 24 knew Cole was in slight pain, but he chose not to show it. The transition of spirit to human must not be easy. 24 decided to remain silent, allowing this moment to be Cole's and Cole's alone.

_It's not like he cares about you, anyway. No one does._

She must've forgotten to take her downer today. 24 looked down at her boots and ran a hand through her hair. She was totally missing what they were talking about.

"Everything hurts." Cole said, a hand gripping his stomach. 24 looked at him and resisted an urge to put a hand on his arm, deciding to keep it at her side. Now was not the time.

_You're the one causing this pain._

24 began gritting her teeth anxiously and looked at the markings on the wall, anything to distract her from the voices bouncing around inside of her mind. She felt her eye twitching, it was almost too much for her. No, she couldn't leave. She had to be here for him, had to be here for her love. 

"When do I stop hurting?" When did Varric and Theo show up? She backed up against the wall and put her sweaty palms against the cold stone, trying to calm herself. 24 could feel her heart beating against her ribcage, threatening to burst out and flop on the floor like a fish out of water.

_He'll stop hurting when you're gone. Just die like you want to._

"If you ever find the answer to that, let me know." Theo said, with a lip threatening to quirk up into a smile. This was no time for jokes. Varric looked at Cole and rubbed his back, a kind gesture really. A gesture she could not deliver right now.

"Come on kid, let's go for a walk to clear your head." The dwarf said. Good, that would give 24 time to be alone to ground herself. But, if she was alone, would she lash out? Break down? Jump off the battlements? 

Cole remained looking down at the ground, a totally different disposition from this morning. "Everyone can see me now. They remember. How do I put honey in Leliana's wine without her noticing?" He said, worry in his voice? 24 stilled, head still facing the ground. She hoped no one was paying attention to her so she could just slip out unnoticed. 

_No one loves you, they're pretending to._

"I can help with that." Was all Varric said before leaving, beckoning Cole to follow. He gave 24 a glance, noticing her head was down and facing the other way. He wished he could help, but her mind was drifted elsewhere, like in a stormy sea. He left with Varric.

24 took her chance and left, quickly walking out of the room to take a deep breath. The horizon wasn't pretty right now. It just reminded her of how she wouldn't die if she jumped right now.

_Nobody would notice. Fucking die._

She didn't want to go to Dorian, he had problems of his own with his father, Tevinter, and Theo. Cole was out of the question right now and she didn't want to face Solas at the moment. 24 felt like she was drowning. She had love, friends, a home. Why was she sad? 

_You're a monster. You've killed nearly a hundred people._

That's why. 24 sighed and cradled her head in her hands. Revenge was an ugly thing, it made her ugly. She was weak, stupid, a mess. 24 released her head and dug her nails into the stone below her hands, nails making an ugly, scraping sound.

_Jump. Do it, DO IT!_

No one was around. It would be so easy. 

_Think about how happy Cole would be._

She should be happy, her and Cole just gave themselves to each other. They loved each other. She had friends who loved her for who she was. Did she deserve it, though? In this world, a lot of people have killed. On Earth, it was taboo.

Did she use sex as a coping mechanism this morning? Probably. She loved Cole, though, and happily gave herself to him. It was difficult to explain the rationale to herself even.

24 slowly unlaced her boots and set them aside with care. Cole was distracted right now, so that was good. 

No note, no letter, no goodbye. She wanted to be gone.

_Dead. Die. They're better off without you._

Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Cullen and some soldiers patrolling. Hopefully they wouldn't notice her making this decision. In the garden, she could see Morrigan with her son. In the distance, she could see Bull, Cassandra, and Krem. Vivienne looking out the window. Dorian was probably in the library with Theo. Sera staring out the window, playing with an arrow. 

She turned back around and stared down at the icy water surrounding Skyhold. It would put her in a deep sleep, hopefully it would freeze her and nobody would find her frozen body. The best part was, she couldn't swim. Of all things they did to her, they didn't focus on swimming.

24 took a shaky breath and took a step onto the stone wall, staring down at the bottom. After the nightmare this morning, the memories were too much. She wanted it too end.

"I'm sorry, Cole. I'm sorry, everyone." She whispered, particularly to no one but herself. 24 took a leap of faith and jumped off. However, she heard heavy footsteps in the distance and the clanking of armor.

"No!" Was that Cullen? It was too late, now.

The fall felt like it was taking forever. As she looked up, she saw Cullen's and his soldiers terrified faces. 

She turned her head, it was too painful to look up at their faces. Instead, she decided to look at the water. 

And just like that, she fell in.

It was cold, painfully cold. Immediately, she felt her bones chilling. 24 tried gasping for air but all she felt was the ice cold water entering her lungs. She tried to swim up, but it was as if something was pulling her down. The weight of her decision. 24 closed her eyes and let herself succumb to the cold, slowly slipping into the peaceful feeling of her subconscious.

Only it wasn't peaceful. 

The nightmare from this morning was back.

_"It can't be bargained with, it can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop.. ever, until you are dead."_

_24 struggled against the chains holding her, growing angrier by the second as she listened to the insolent fool who was speaking on the stage. Out of the corner of her eye, she spotted Solas and... Cole? Her eyes widened in fear, shock, disbelief. 24 gasped, the muzzle around her face containing it. She looked away, shame in her eyes. The generals around her, American, looked at her with blank faces. She would be joining them soon. Not as an equal, but as a machine. A weapon. God, she felt like Hannibal Lecter right now, muzzle and all. 24 began thrashing against her chains and screeched when a guard kicked her in the stomach, almost tearing the scar of her surgery wide open. 24 looked at the guard and closed her eyes, telekinetically vaulting him against the wall with a loud 'thud'. He was probably not dead, just unconscious. The soldiers widened their eyes and didn't move, keeping their eyes trained on her._

_"Human's are such easy prey to it." The announcer said, pointing at her. "The perfect asset for the military of the United States." 24 shook her head and began thrashing again. No. She didn't want to be apart of any war. War was not her kind of thing, it never had been._

_"Let us demonstrate, shall we? Bring out test subject 849!" 24 widened her eyes. She was supposed to kill someone? In front of everyone? She was made to kill, brainwashed to kill, but that didn't stop the young girl from being her own person. The test subjects were different from her and her 'siblings'. They were basically human cattle, play toys for the so called super soldiers._

_They brought out a scared looking older man carrying a automatic rifle. Of course, they wanted her to demonstrate 'that' power. She sighed and went limp in her chains, hanging her head. This wasn't right. None of this was right. They pressed a button and bullet proof glass walls raised around the man and her, the chains and muzzle unhooking from her body. 24 was basically naked save for the bindings around her chest and a simple pair of compression shorts._

_She stood up, rubbing the her red and chapped wrists from where the cuffs were tightly bound. 24 eyed the man and he backed away slowly before convulsing from the shock collar around his neck. "Do it, subject 849." The announcer said menacingly. 24 merely looked at him and stood there, slouched posture. She had done this many times. The first time on accident, when they were trying to kill her during an outburst after her brain surgery. The man held up the gun, aiming it with careful precision at her and began firing rapidly._

_Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Solas and Cole wince, wanting to intervene. There was nothing they could do. 24 looked at the bullets as if they were in slow motion and held up her hand, stopping them with telekinesis. When the smoke cleared, most of the soldiers gasped when the bullets fell in front of her. The audience began clapping and a disgusted look adorned her face, refusing to look amongst the crowd._

_The older man in front of her dropped the rifle and collapsed to his knees, begging for mercy. She had no idea what they wanted her to do next._

_"0X-24 will now demonstrate her emotion and mind control." No, she didn't want to do this. They made her do it once. She had struck fear into a man so bad once that he went into cardiac arrest and died. She hated it, hated herself. 24 looked at the man and closed her eyes, saying a quick, silent prayer to God to have mercy on her for what she was about to do._

_24 looked at the man cowering in fear and crouched down next to him, staring intently into his eyes. Crows feet, wrinkles, white hair, buzz cut. It didn't feel right. "No." She said. Standing up and looking at the announcer, balling her fists. She could feel her nails digging into the palms of her hands, blood oozing onto the floor. The announcer looked at her with narrowed eyes and laughed. "Stupid girl." He said, lowering the glass with a button. This was now or never. Grabbing the hand of the man beside her, she ran passed the guards and out of the room at break neck speed, not even bothering to spare a glance at Cole or Solas._

_Running down the bland, white hallway, she could hear the pounding footsteps of the guards behind her. The man gripped her hand so hard it almost broke it, but she didn't mind. This was life or death for him. This was freedom for her. Rounding the corner, they found a storage closet and locked the door behind them, barricading it with a chair. They didn't have time to catch their breath._

_Handing the older man a weed wacker for a blunt, but dangerous, weapon, she nodded. 24 grabbed a chainsaw and filled it up with gas and smiled. Sweet revenge. Kicking open the door and revving the chainsaw, she saw the fear in the guards eyes. It was amusing. Rage filled her veins as she rammed the chainsaw through the chest of the first victim, watching him drop on the floor and writhe in pain. Another guard ran up to her and she cut his neck open, going about halfway, letting it lop to the side. Some of the guards began running away. 24 looked behind her and saw the older man beat in the head of a guard with his weapon. She laughed and pounced at a guard, shoving the chainsaw down his shoulder, cutting his arm off. It was a game to her._

_The bloodbath continued for another five minutes, and about twenty guards laid dead around them. Catching her breath, she looked at 849 and smiled, one he returned. Sweet revenge. Dropping the chainsaw, she saw Cole and Solas looking at her in fear. Shit. This is not how she wanted them to see her. It was too late, however._

_During her moment of distraction, she heard a gunshot and felt a 'thud' next to her. It was too late. 849 was dead. Point blank. She slowly looked up at the guard and felt a burning anger coursing through her. It hurt, like a poison being injected into her veins. Looking at her hands, she noticed her arteries and vessels turning black, coursing through the rest of her body. The man looked at her in fear. Eventually it spread to her eyes. 24 stepped forward slowly and snarled, grimacing at the pain. It hurt like nothing before. What had they done to her?_

_She let out a screech of pain and fell to the floor on her hands and knees, breathing heavily. Nails digging into the floor, leaving marks. She hadn't even known 849, why was she so angry? Was she that fed up with what they were doing to her? 24 crawled to the man and grabbed his ankle, making him fall on his back._

_But, before she could do anything, another guard came from behind and tasered her, making her collapse on the ground in a convulsive state. Another guard quickly chained her up and muzzled her again, giving her a sedative. She passed out after this, drifting into a deep sleep._

Then, suddenly, she felt was arms pulling her floating body out of the water, the crushing weight of their hands on her chest. Ribs cracking as CPR was initiated. She wasn't breathing.

Was this death? Was Cole there? 24 didn't want to wake up.

She wanted everyone to be happy without her.

It was as if she was awake and dying at the same time, able to feel and not feel at the same time. 24 could feel the water from her lungs being pushed out of her, and she began coughing violently. A sign of life.

She shot up, gasping for air, retching and coughing as if her life depended on it. Well, it sort of did. Her eyelids felt too heavy to open, limbs limps. She was being held up and supported by arms around her back. Who's arms? Who the hell saved her? 

Water poured out of her mouth, covering her blue lips. Her bloodshot eyes slowly opened and her heart immediately broke at the sight in front of her.

Tears falling from Cole's eyes.

It broke even more when he spoke.

"Why did you try to leave me?"

She didn't try to leave him. She wanted him to be happy. 24 tried lifting an arm to reach for him but failed, wheezing slightly at the movement. As she tried to speak, more water was expelled from her mouth. She figured that function wouldn't return for awhile. Instead of doing anything, she merely let herself fall forward into his warm arms. He didn't care if she was cold or wet, he hugged her tight.

He didn't want to let go. Ever.


	8. Learning To Be Loved

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Friends are a wonderful thing, but sometimes people need that little push to find something that makes life worth living.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys are enjoying!  
> TW: talk of abortion, unplanned pregnancy, angst, and lots of flufffffff

The last thing 24 remembered was falling into Cole's arms before falling into a deep, cold sleep. It felt nice to be warm in his muscular limbs tight around her body, making her forget the ache of her broken ribs. 

While she was unconscious, they had stripped her of her clothes to prevent hypothermia. However, to prevent all of Skyhold seeing her as nude as the day she was born, Cullen wrapped her in the fur around his armor. Cole was the one to carry her back up to the fortress, silent as he laid her in the cot to be examined by the medical professionals. They were just in time, they said, since she was barely holding onto life.

Cole stayed by her side, gripping her hand and staring at the ground. What could he have done to prevent this? He knew that she had trouble with voices bouncing around in her mind, saying mean things and torturing her constantly. The 'downer' herbs helped when she took them, but they made her too tired to go on the outings with the Inquisitor and her friends. Cole just wanted her to be okay.

It had been seven days and she was still in the tent with the sisters and doctors. They said she would make it, but they didn't know when she would wake up. They had told Cole she had severe aspiration pneumonia from having the water in her lungs. Cole understood. He refused to leave her side. She needed him.

Her mind wasn't silent. She was calling out to him, apologizing in her dreams, her subconscious. Sometimes he could feel her gripping his hand, and he would just wait to see those green eyes to open. But, his hopes drifted away to nothing when she wouldn't wake up. 

Their friends would come to visit her. Cole was surprised when even Vivienne came, bringing a single flower to lay on the pillow next to her. Bull, Krem, and the rest of the Chargers would come and sit in the chairs next to the bed, telling her stories of their adventures. Sera told her of her latest pranks on Josephine, mixing up her paperwork. Blackwall carved a rose for her and put it on the dresser next to the bed, saying a silent prayer to the Maker. Cassandra would blush slightly and read her poetry. Varric would come and read her stories, telling Cole it was okay, that she would wake up soon. Cullen, Leliana, and Josephine all visited her together. Cullen made the comment that she looked a lot better than she did when she was pulled out of the water. Cole agreed. Solas came and put his hand on her forehead, staying awhile to comfort Cole. He appreciated it. Before Solas left, he gave Cole about a month supply of downer herbs in case she refused to take them. Just in case. Theo and Dorian were the last to visit. Dorian looked distraught. He had witnessed 24 try to end things once before, and he didn't want to accept the fact his friend was still suffering. He was blaming himself for not being there. The couple sat down and told 24 about their journey to the Hissing Wastes. Cole could sense that she appreciated everyone being there.

Another seven days passed, and they would still visit. But, eventually, they would come and go. Cole would remain by her side. The sisters would offer him food and a place to sleep. "I don't eat." He merely said, earning a confused look. He was still getting used to being human. 

Another seven days.

Sometimes the sisters would come in and press on her stomach or look at her private area. Cole was confused by this, but trusted their expertise. However, he would get nervous when they would whisper and talk amongst themselves.

She looked cold, so Cole covered her with more blankets. He swore he could see a faint twitch of a smile. Probably his imagination. Maybe she was waking up? Cole sighed and sat down again, clutching her delicate hand. 24 was no longer wheezing due to the medicinal herbs they were giving her. He liked that she was feeling better. 

The sisters reassured him she would wake up soon. He didn't know whether to believe them or not. She was in a dreamless sleep, merely reacting emotionally to her surroundings. Maybe it was for the best that she wasn't dreaming. She knew that Cole was there, her song dancing around his like a beautiful melody. She was sorry, and he wasn't angry. 24 knew this. Cole was merely distraught, and that hurt her. She hurt him. Silently, she promised not to do it again. Cole didn't know if he could believe her, though. 24 didn't even know if she could believe herself. 

It was like she was screaming, but her head was underwater... literally. Cole could still remember what she looked like when they had found her. Facedown in the water, hair freezing into icicles. Blue lips, dark eyes, ghostly white skin, stiff limbs. She looked dead. He was crying, crying because he couldn't do anything while they were resuscitating her. Couldn't do anything while she was coughing up the water. He could have prevented this, only if he had paid more attention.

He tucked her into the bed, probably the ninth time he had done so, and sat back down. He could do nothing but wait patiently for her to wake up and he would stare into her beautiful emerald eyes. 

Another 7 days

A sister came in and listened for any wheezing, crackles, or complications. When there was none, she sat 24 up a little bit to get some more air flowing through her system, propping her torso up with some pillows. Perhaps this would help wake her up? Cole didn't want to get too hopeful. When the sister left, he resumed holding her hand and closed his eyes, trying to meditate and go to his 'happy place' as Varric said. His happy place was with 24. Perhaps they had a small house, maybe a dog. He didn't know if they could have children. Cole shuddered at the thought.

When he opened his eyes, he gasped and nearly fell out of his chair. 24 was looking at him. Green eyes, green as grass, wide open. Staring at _him_. Cole felt tears stinging his eyes as he scrambled to the edge of her bed, clasping her hand with both of his. He was speechless, not knowing what to say. "I..." He let out a quiet sob. 24 had a faint frown on her face. She upset him. She had upset everyone. The young girl squeezed her lovers hand gently and let go to stroke his face. 

"I'm sorry." She said, voice hoarse from days of not using it. It hurt to talk, like daggers being dragged down her throat. But, it felt nice to be able to get her point across verbally. "I hurt you." 24 used her other hand to clutch the blanket harshly, nearly tearing the fabric. She was angry at herself for hurting him. She was supposed to be his support, not his downfall. Cole looked at her in surprise and shook his head, running a palm over his tear stricken face. 

"No. We both hurt, I... we..." Cole didn't understand the desire to just end it all like she did. Varric would say they needed to be better at communicating, Solas would console them on their spiritual issues. What did they both want? They wanted each other, obviously. But what was the endgame? "I thought I lost you." He said in a small voice, barely audible. 24 felt tears streaming down her face as she remembered what he had said after they pulled her out of the water.

_"Why did you try to leave me?"_

She took in a shaky breath and rolled on her side to face him, cringing a bit at the dull ache of her ribs. She remembered everything from when she was unconscious. Her friends coming to talk to her, the sisters and doctors talking, Cole being there the whole time. It made her heart swell. "I'm never leaving you." She said, reaching for his hand, a sentiment he returned. She meant it for real this time. 24 didn't want to leave him. She shared the wish have having a house, a dog..? A family.. a family? 24 widened her eyes and slowly squinted them again, not wanting to alarm Cole. There was a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. Something was wrong, something was different. 

24 slowly pulled a blanket over her shoulder and smiled at Cole, looking into his teary blue eyes. "The voices." She understood what he was getting at, and she nodded. The voices overwhelmed her. 24 nodded and closed her eyes. She didn't want to deal with them anymore. They were bothersome, torturing, awful, scary. 24 shuddered and opened her eyes back up, finding solace in the baby blues staring at her. 

Four total weeks she had been out. 24 felt terrible, worrying her friends so much. 24 ran a free palm over her face and sighed, letting the tears flow freely. She had made a grave mistake. "I.. didn't, I don't know why I.. I'm sorry Cole." She said, squeezing his hand, tears wetting the pillow beneath her face. Cole merely smiled and rested his head on the bed. He looked worse for wear. Anxious, dark circles under his eyes, jittery, etc. She had worried him, worried everyone. And it was all her fault. 

"I'm not mad. I'm happy.. you're okay." There was joy in his voice, no more sadness. That made her feel better. 24 was too weak to tell if he was lying or not, not able to use her telepathy. A perk of bedrest it seemed. She smiled and closed her eyes, just basking in the moment. They were okay. They were all okay. 

However, the sisters could hear them talking, so they gathered in the tent. One of them stepped forward and looked at Cole. "Sir, we have some news. If you may step out for a moment.." 24 gripped his hand and squinted at the sister, shaking her head. No, she didn't want Cole to leave.

"Whatever you tell me, you can tell him." The sister sighed and nodded her head. The other sister set down a bundle of herbs, a few 24 didn't recognize. They then brought in a sprouting wheat plant. 24 narrowed her eyes in confusion and tilted her head, waiting for an explanation.

"Very well. These herbs right here are for lung health due to your little fall in the water and your severe pneumonia, these are for mental health, and these are for.." She paused for a moment and Cole widened his eyes, going slack jawed. 24 looked at him in confusion. What was wrong? 24 tried to piece together what was going on. There was a wheat plant, and an unknown herb. She tried to remember what she had learned in school but nothing was coming back to her. Anxiety was radiating off of her and Cole, both of them becoming jittery. Cole was merely sitting in silence, eyes wide open. "This herb is for prenatal health."

24 wanted to scream. She wanted to leave the tent and scream. Pregnant, she was pregnant. Cole had gotten her pregnant. Their first time and she had gotten pregnant. How could she even get pregnant? Did they not scoop out her lady parts and not mutate them? Cole was human now... but.. he was a spirit. How was that even possible. 24 felt tears pricking in her eyes. She didn't know how to feel. Happy? She wasn't necessarily sad.. just surprised. She had always wanted a family whenever she was younger, but now she had never thought it possible. They were too young, too inexperienced, too... unsure of life. 24 looked at Cole, but he had his head hung and he was nervously bouncing his leg.

"We figured you were pregnant because you had no cycle, so we collected your urine and used it on a wheat plant. Congratulations, if it works out, you should be having a baby girl!" A girl. 24 felt bile rising in her throat and quickly swallowed it. Did they not understand her predicament? Isn't it taboo in this place to have a baby while not being married? 24 didn't know the customs here. She had her eyes fixated on her stomach below the blankets and felt the tears streaming down her face. Did this baby even have a chance? She remembered the scientists whispering amongst themselves that they wanted to 'breed' her with the others and it disgusted her. No, she wanted to grow up and get married. Have a house, get married, have babies. 

"I know this is surprising. For mommy and baby, we recommend a good diet and no adventuring. Also, no reckless behavior. We will have people watching over you for one month to make sure of this." She said, a stern look on her face. Great, a 1:1 situation like a child in time out. 24 cradled her face in her hands and sucked in a deep breath, ignoring the aching of her ribs underneath the deep wrappings of the bindings. This isn't what she wanted right now. This was something for the future. She tuned out the rest of the lecture she was receiving and didn't even notice when the sister had left, leaving Cole and her alone. 

It was dead silent in the tent. The only thing that wasn't dead silent was her thoughts. A baby. She was going to be having a baby in nine months. Or sooner, who knows what they did to her body. 24 didn't dare look at Cole, for she knew that he wouldn't look at her. They had given her permission to return to her room instead of the tent and she was glad about that at least. 

She was the first to speak.

"So, um.. a baby." She chuckled nervously. Cole remained staring at the ground. He must be scared, and she didn't blame him. She was scared, too. A former spirit and a super-human having a baby, who would've known it was possible. She slowly reached down and grasped his hand, but he merely remained still. 24 frowned and closed her eyes, wanting the silence to end. She wished Dorian or Varric were here to lighten the mood. In all reality, though, they probably would be lecturing them on not being more careful. How could they have known? 24 slowly hung her legs over the side of the bed to sit up straight after laying down for four weeks. This meant she was four weeks pregnant. She was unknowingly pregnant and had tried to commit suicide. She felt awful. Unconsciously, 24 wrapped her arms around her stomach and sighed. Maternal instinct, she guessed. She moved her hand and put it on his shoulder.

"Hey, look at me." Cole slowly raised his head and she noticed tears pricking his eyes. She was scared, too. Did he even want this baby. Did _she_ want this baby? There was too much going on right now to answer that question truthfully. 24 knew she would never be able to bring her self to terminate a pregnancy, especially when this baby was Cole's "I... want this baby. I don't know if you want it, but-" He cut her off with a gentle kiss, both of them crying. He cradled her face with rough hands, hands that belonged to a rogue. This kiss said everything that he couldn't. "Me too."

She softly smiled at this.

-

The transition from tent to her room was not an easy one. Four weeks of bedrest had taken a toll on her body and she was quite weak. But, with the help of Cole, she managed to make it the whole way to her room. The herbs the sisters had given her were on the end table along with the piss-pregnancy plant. She was scared that whoever entered her room would immediately know that she was pregnant due to this plant. History class came back to her and she remembered that ancient Egyptians did this, but she didn't expect it in Thedas. 24 sighed and began to eat the herbs in a quick manner, wanting to get the bitterness of the taste of them over with. The last one she ate were, of course, the prenatal herb. It tasted rather... sweet. 

"You need food." 24 nodded at this. She knew they had fed her soups and such whenever she was unconscious, but having real food sparked some excitement in her. Cole smiled and kissed her on the forehead before leaving. Hopefully he would get her something good. 

She could hear the faint voice of Dorian in the distance, and it was growing closer. Her heart seemed to stop. He was a smart man, and there was no doubt that he would find out about her little... problem. She wasn't able to reach the wheat plant in time before he walked in, a bright smile on his face. "I refuse to admit that I have missed you." 24 giggled slightly, laying her arms down at her sides. Dorian grabbed the seat next to her bed and sat down, crossing his arms. A frown spanned his face and the smile disappeared from hers. "I.. we, thought you were dead." 24 closed her eyes and sighed, gulping and trying to swallow the tightness in her throat. Logically, Dorian knew she couldn't die. 24 knew she couldn't die. Physically. But had she died emotionally? Almost. She didn't realize all the pain she would cause. "I'm.. sorry. I wasn't thinking. Sometimes it gets to much and I..." Dorian stopped her with his hand and shook his head. He understood that life got too much sometimes. He understood her pain. "Just come to me next time, okay?" She smiled and nodded.

In his periphery, something caught his eye and he turned his head. Narrowing his eyes and then widening them, he looked back at her face. 24 was a sight to see. All blood had drained from her face, she was as still as ever, hands clutching the sheets, breath stuck in her throat. No, he wasn't supposed to see that damned plant. 24 was too weak to throw it against the wall in anger. "So..." He started, looking into her emerald eyes. 24 gulped, waiting for a lecture about their recklessness. Instead, his response shocked her. "I'm an uncle now." Slack-jawed, 24 was torn between punching him and smiling. She supposed he was right. He was one of her closest friends, he would've found out sooner or later. 

What would Varric say? Oh God, what would Solas say? They were going to have to tell Theo so he didn't choose 24 or Cole to tag along on adventures. "Who's the father?" 24 scrunched her eyebrows together in frustration and wanted to yell, but her voice was still too hoarse. 

"Who else would it be, Mr. Know-It-All?" She said, a bit of snark in her words. Dorian smiled at her tone, glad that his sassy friend was back. He was slightly confused on how a ghost boy and a... mutant could have children, but life works in mysterious ways sometimes. "I bet those Chantry Sisters were clucking like hens at you two for being so.. young." 24 cringed at this. She was young, yes. But Cole's spirit was probably older than any of them combined. She looked down and widened her eyes. Why was her hand over her flat stomach? There was barely even a baby in there yet. At this, Dorian smiled and rubbed her shoulder. "As long as we're here, no one can hurt you." He said, gripping her shoulder carefully. 24's mind flashed back to Corypheus and she sighed. He would more than likely be back, and back with a vengeance. He seemed to target 24 and Theo the most for some reason. He knew that 24 was powerful, more powerful than any regular human he had encountered. 

As 24 was lost in thought, Cole came back in with a tray of food. She was a little nauseous, but she would try her best. He set it down on her lap. Bread, cream of mushroom soup, and some fruit. 24 looked up at Cole and smiled. "Thanks, love." He nodded and looked at Dorian and back at 24. _He knows._ She thought so he could hear it, digging into her soup, she was reminded of home. Cream of mushroom was one of her favorite foods. 

Dorian gave him a knowing look and smiled. "Congratulations." He said, before adjusting one of the straps around his shoulder. Cole didn't know how to react. Angry? No.. too harsh. He wasn't necessarily excited right now, bouncing off the walls. He was more or less concerned for the health of his love and the baby. Baby girl, the sister said. "Thank you." Was all he said before taking a seat, watching 24 eat her food slowly. Dorian could tell they were in love and smiled. An uncle, he was going to be an uncle. Hopefully with him the kid wouldn't be as fucked up as he is. He shook the thoughts from his head and smiled at the couple who were stealing glances at each other and smiling. 

"Well, I'll leave you two lovebirds alone." And with that, he left.

24 had finished her food and set the plate on the floor. 24 looked over at Cole and smiled, reaching for him. "Come here, I wanna cuddle." She had not cuddled him for four weeks and she needed to touch him. More than hand holding. Cole obliged shyly and crawled into the bed with her, holding her gently. She had missed this, missed him. He was with her the whole time she was out, holding her hand, trying to feed her, give her water. It warmed her heart. She loved this man. 

Cole wrapped his arms around her and put his head in the crook of her neck, breathing in the scent that he missed so dearly. Wildlife, flowers, scents from the wind. He loved her, everything about her. Cole knew she was at war with herself. Having tried to end it, finding out she was with child, not knowing what to do about it. She was scared that she wouldn't be a good mother due to her upbringing. Would she start referring to herself as her real name to not confuse to child when it comes? Cole calmed her thoughts with a gentle kiss to her plush lips and she sighed into it. It felt nice to be able to be close to him again. 

It was almost midnight and 24 was exhausted from the events that had occurred during the day. She yawned and Cole smiled, tucking both of them into blankets. 24 gave him a quick kiss before closing her eyes. Cole closed his eyes too, surprised that he was tired.

They both slept that night.

-

Over the next few days, Cole was like a doting mother. He wouldn't let her leave her sight. If she was in the garden smelling flowers, so was he. Having therapy/talks with Solas, he was there. 24 didn't mind it, though. She knew that he was just as scared as she was. They had barely dealt with children before, and the only child she had seen here was Morrigan's weird spawn. 

They were currently looking at Bull and Cassandra hitting each other with sticks. "Harder!" Bull yelled. Cassandra looked frustrated. 24 wanted to train, but she knew that Cole would be angry if she did. The baby was probably the size of a grain of salt right now. What harm would a little training do? Cassandra put her hands in the air out of frustration and dropped the stick, leaving Bull alone with them. She stepped forward and picked up the heavy stick and smiled, positioning it in the air. Cole widened his eyes but couldn't get there in time before she hit Bull with the first swing. "Damn, kid. You're strong." She grinned and did it again. And again. Cole was scared that he was going to hurt her and their child. He knew 24 would be able to dodge the attack and swing back at him, but it frightened him. As Bull raised his stick, Cole shot over and stood in the middle of them, subconsciously putting a hand on 24's stomach. Her eyes widened at this.

Bull look frustrated and confused at the same time. "What the hell, kid?" He asked Cole before dropping his stick and crossing his muscular arms. He tilted his head, gritting his teeth. 24 had her head turned to the side, blood draining from her face. Of course Cole had to react like that. Cassandra, off in the distance, looked at them with a knowing look and shook her head. How did she know? Looking down, 24 gasped as Cole's hand was firmly planted on her stomach, cupping it protectively. Bull widened his eyes and stepped back a few feet, almost shrinking under Cole's intense gaze. "Uh.. congrats?" Cole's eyes widened a bit and he stood up, hand still on her stomach. 24 was mortified. Dorian, Cassandra, and now Bull. Fuck, all of Skyhold might as well know, too. She wasn't embarrassed, it was just too soon to be telling everyone. 

Cole grabbed her arm gently and lead her away from Bull, trying to find somewhere private. It was hard to do in a place like this. There were people everywhere. Soldiers, companions, refugees, scouts, spies. He eventually found a small abandoned library in the bottom of Skyhold. It was kind of spooky looking, but it would do. Cole looked at her with such intense eyes that it almost made her want to shrink into a ball and roll away. "Reckless." He said, crossing his arms in disappointment. He was right, it was reckless. But the baby wasn't a baby yet. How does he expect her to understand how a woman's body works when she had never even had a semblance of a health class in school? "I.." He didn't let her finish and he gently grabbed her shoulders, one hand lifting to cup her face. "Worried, scared, this can't be real, I love him, but.." He trailed off, closing his eyes. He took a deep breath and opened them. "I'm scared, too." First time parents were always scared. Her mentality went from 15 to 30 in the span of five years from being in that damn compound, but that didn't mean shit now that she was pregnant. 

"We should go see Solas." Cole shook his head slowly at this, and she could see a sliver of fear in her eyes. She was afraid of what the elf would say, too. Probably that is should be impossible that they conceived a child, or he would lecture them on being so careless.

They made their way to his study, hand in hand, and found him at his desk. Immediately, by the look on their faces, he could tell something wrong. "Cole, 24, what brings you here, my friends?" They both remained silent a moment, unsure of what to say. 24 shuffled her feet a little and Cole could feel her palm begin to sweat, A dark grey blush formed on her face as she looked at Solas and took a deep breath in. It was now or never. "Solas.. I'm.. uh.. pregnant." Solas almost dropped the book from his hand and stood there with wide eyes. If anyone knew anything, it would be Solas. She didn't really like talking to the sisters. They were kind of.. mean. They all stood there in silence, waiting for a response. Cole's head was silent while 24's was swimming with thoughts. Would he be mad, happy, angry? So many possibilities.

"That seems highly unlikely." It wasn't unlikely, it was their reality. Cole put his hand on her stomach and his other around her back to keep her steady, He closed his eyes. 24 was confused. What was he doing? Cole looked back up at Solas and smiled. "It is there." Yes, it was too young to be able to have a gender yet. _A girl,_ the sister said. 24 didn't know if she wanted a girl or not. 

Solas narrowed his eyes and put a hand to his face. "Cole, you have only just become a human. You're telling me, that in the small time you've been human, you have gotten someone pregnant?" That made Cole's face fall. It wasn't Cole's fault. It's not like either of them knew what they were doing. "And you, you're not stable enough to have a child right now." 24 felt tears pricking her eyes and she turned her face away, crossing her arms. They didn't come here to get belittled, they came here to get help. 

"I suggest we terminate the pregnancy." 24 felt all the blood drain from her face and she, as well as Cole, put her hands around her stomach in a protective manner. That was out of the question. She would never be able to live with herself if they do that. This is her body, this is her choice. This was no one else's choice. "No!" She yelled so loudly it that it was almost surprising that all of Skyhold didn't hear. She could feel the anger boiling through her body and Cole laid a gentle hand on her shoulder, shaking his head. He was right, it wasn't worth getting angry over.

"I respect your input, Solas, but we're having this baby." Solas remained silent as he went back to his desk and began reading again, ignoring them as the walked out of the room. He didn't know how to feel, but it was ultimately their choice. He had to support them no matter what.

The journey back to her room was a quiet one. It was getting dark now, and she was tired. Her boobs hurt, too. Was this pregnancy? "You're worried." Cole said as they entered her room. Of course she was worried, why wouldn't she be? Solas's words were bouncing around in her head. She was very unstable in mental terms but pregnancy was changing her. She was having no death wishes lately and that was a huge change, one that surprised her. 24 yawned and flopped on the bed, scooting the edge so Cole would have a place to lay down. She patted the spot next to her and he began to undress, leaving himself only in his boxers. It was a sight she would never get tired of seeing.

Cole laid down next to her and gathered the smaller human into his arms, peppering her face with kisses which earned him some giggles. It made him happy. They eventually settled down, 24 on her back and Cole on his side, both of their hands intertwined on her stomach.

They were both happy.


	9. update

I will update this, but I am currently studying for my boards for my nursing license so it may take a little bit :) 

see you in awhile!


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